Rehashed Reviews :: The Stalk-N-Slash Edition

Happy Birthday to Me proclaims to claim six of the most bizarre murders you'll ever see. Well, I'm here to say that maybe half of them qualify for that. Still, despite its somewhat glacial pace, and a final reveal that makes no sense at all, the film is still worth your time.

Girls Nite Out, on the other hand, only has one reason and one reason only that makes it worth a once through. It has, hands down, the goofiest looking killer in cinematic history.

And then there's House of Death, whom I'm sure suckered in a lot of folks, myself included, with that nasty video-box art back in the day, only to find a giant turd-burger of a movie inside. Yes. The video box lied. Again.

Evil Laugh may be dumber than a bag of hammers, with a bad habit of killing off suspects as soon they're introduced, but, against all rational explanation, I kinda dig it. And it does deserve some credit for beating the self-awareness of the Scream franchise to the punchline by almost a decade.

And last, but not least, we have Sleepaway Camp, which, despite all of its shortcomings, deserves its legendary cult status for having one of the ballsiest shock-endings off all time. You see that? I actually kinda gave it away there. Wotta dick I am.

And fair warning, this Teenage Wastedland retrospective contains massive plot-spoilers with all killers and motivations revealed.

Favorites :: Vintage Ads : Tabletop Star Wars!

Spotlight :: The Eyes of Barbara Steele : Volume I : The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)

Moments of Pure Cinema Fusion :: Bert I. Gordon's Jerks Do the Monkey : Village of the Giants (1965)

By definition, nuclear fusion is the process by which multiple like-charged atomic particles join together to form a heavier nucleus -- usually accompanied by the release of a massive amount of energy, depending on the elements involved. Applying that theory to film, there are certain moments in certain movies when the direction, cinematography, acting, editing, and soundtrack collide and merge into something I like to call Moments of Pure Cinema Fusion.


And here we have, perhaps, the absolute gob-smacking zenith of Bert I. Gordon's traveling-matte and forced-perspective fueled stoopidity, powered by the thundering and pounding licks of Jack Nitzche's "The Last Race."

Of course, it doesn't hurt your cause when you got Joy Harmon, Tisha Sterling and Gail Gilmore bouncing around like that for the boys, and Beau Bridges and Robert Random shaking their thang for the ladies.

Credit where credit is due:
Director: Bert I. Gordon / Screenplay: Bert I. Gordon, Allen Calliou / Cinematography: Paul Vogel / Editing: John Bushelmen / Original Music: Jack Nitzche / Cast: Beau Bridges, Joy Harmon, Tisha Sterling, Tommy Kirk

Favorites :: Body Art : Happy 40th Birthday to Me!

Okay, okay ... I'm not officially forty until early December. But! I had promised myself a tattoo, my first, to honor the momentous occasion at the proper time. But! Long story short: There was a going away party. A lot of alcohol disappeared. A buddy of mine wanted some ink, too. More alcohol disappeared, aaaand here we are.

Need I say anymore on the inspiration?

And wait'll you see what I wanna put on the other arm!

Favorites :: Soundtracks : Neal Hefti's Brazen Saddle Sounds!

A native of Hastings, NE, my old stompin' grounds, Neal Hefti was an old school big-band swinger, who played, arranged and composed for the likes of Frank Sinatra, Harry James and Charlie Spivak. Despite this pedigree, most people only know Hefti as the guy who penned the highly obnoxious but very memorable theme to the old Batman TV show, meaning fewer realize that he also composed the equally obnoxious theme to The Odd Couple.

However, it was Hefti's penchant for forlorn horns and trippy guitar solos for the theme of a criminally overlooked western called Duel at Diablo that I've had stuck in my head since I first heard it many, many Movie-of-the-Weeks ago.

Hefti and some unknown studio musician.

First, we have a cut of the main title that didn't appear in the actual film but shows up as the last track on the LP. The haunting lyrics were penned and performed by Ernie Sheldon, who had collaborated with Hefti and Elmer Bernstein for the soundtrack of Lord Love a Duck.

Next, we have the Dust to Dust version that helped wrap the film up.

And last, but not least, we have the unaltered title track itself plus the bonus track of Bullets and Beans.