Sunday, June 3, 2012

Re-Post :: Carl Laemmle's Original Spookshow :: A Beer-Gut Reaction to The Cat and the Canary (1927)


When eccentric millionaire Cyrus West finally kicks the bucket, the kooky recluse stipulates his potential heirs must now wait twenty whole years (!) before his last will and testament can even be read (!!), and leaves specific instructions that nobody gets nothing unless these peculiar demands are met. Seems old Cyrus felt his relatives were like cats, ready to pounce on a helpless canary; the canary in question being him and his money. Which explains why, for the past two decades, with his will securely locked up in the mansion's wall safe, rumors have been running rampant that stately West manor -- unoccupied those many years, except for the creepy maid, who has, and I quote, "no use for the living" -- has been haunted by the restless spirit of its former paranoid proprietor.


Now, with the fateful day of the big payoff just waiting for the stroke of midnight, the six heirs gather once more in the creepy and cobwebbed and haunted halls, where things get off to a rocky start when Crosby, the lawyer and executor (Marshall), finds some etymological evidence showing the documents might have been tampered with. Breaking the seal anyway, the will stipulates everything goes to one heir, and one heir only: Cyrus's daughter, Annabelle West (La Plante). However, there is a codicil, stipulating a doctor must first diagnose Annabelle and attest that she, unlike her whackadoodle father, isn't completely bug-nuts in the head. And if she is found to be bonkers, the estate will revert to another heir, named in another sealed envelope that Crosby is to safeguard until the diagnosis is completed.


With the doctor not due until morning, the heirs split up into separate corners of the giant house. And things turn sinister when Crosby professes to Annabelle his suspicions as to who was most-probably tampering with the will; but before he can reveal the culprit's identity, a secret passage opens up behind him and a cloaked and clawed figure in a large fedora snatches him into the darkness while the girl's back is turned. Suddenly alone, after the ensuing hysterics subside, the others fear Annabelle might just be a little cracked when the heiress tries to explain how the lawyer disappeared into thin air mid-sentence. And as the night progresses, the same sinister figure continues to use more secret passages to stalk and torment the poor girl; and if Annabelle wasn't crazy before the evening began, then, by morning, she might just be ready for her own personalized straight-jacket.


So who is this dastardly cad putting the screws to our poor heroine? Was it one of her bickering male cousins (-- one of them the hopeless comedy relief)? Her dotty, ghost-obsessed aunt and her even dottier niece? Or maybe the butler did it -- well, in this case, the brooding maid, who's always lurking about (played wonderfully by Mattox). And did I mention the asylum guard prowling around, who's looking for an escaped lunatic who likes to slash his victims to ribbons, just like a cat? *shrug* The bigger question, however, is, as the bodies, red-herrings, and probable suspects keep piling up, will they actually succeed, robbing poor Annabelle of her rightful inheritance, her sanity, and perhaps even her life?


It was the abundant box-office returns on Carl Laemmle's The Cat and the Canary that planted the seeds for Universal Studios' horror boom of the 1930's, that reached first bloom with the producer's own Dracula and Frankenstein. With talkies firmly establishing a beachhead in Hollywood by late 1927, the film also kinda marked the end of the silent era, and its a fond farewell. Based on the play by John Willard, the stage version of The Cat and the Canary was more of a black comedy than a mystery driven spook-show. We'll get to the comedy in a sec, but as for the mystery itself, well, it comes off as excessively convoluted -- Wouldn't it be easier to just kill her? -- and over-stacked with subplots and characters crawling out of the woodwork who then just as quickly disappear again. (I mean, Where in the hell did the milkman come from?) Still, the film achieves some genuinely spooky moments, and we need to give some credit where credit is due: the film is actually kinda funny when it's actually trying to be funny -- and for something coming from the stage-bound silent era, I'm sorry, but that's really saying something. (There's even some risqué, Pre-Code buffoonery as Hale clandestinely watches the ladies undress.)


But the real star of the show is the house itself. With all those secret passages and hidden compartments, and the impossibly long and Escher-esque hallways, to the shadowy layouts of the murky rooms, it truly is a wonder to behold. Director Paul Leni, fresh off the boat from Germany, and who brought all his Teutonic film-making idiosyncrasies with him, together with his art-director, Charles D. Hall, gives us plenty of expressionistic eye-candy to look at. From the opening scenes of Cyrus West trapped behind the super-imposed images of those giant medicine bottles our attention is grabbed by the nose and firmly held until the killer is finally revealed. Sadly, Leni only made two more films, most notably helming Conrad Veidt in The Man Who Laughs, before dying unexpectedly of blood poisoning just two short years after the film's release. But his efforts, here, proved so successful Laemmle remade it as a talkie, The Cat Creeps (-- that sadly appears to be lost forever), and it was later adapted again a decade later at Paramount as a full-blown comedic vehicle for Bob Hope and Paulette Goddard.


As a sucker for any kind of old haunted house flick, The Cat and the Canary didn't have to work all that hard to win me over. Like I said before, Leni delivers the goods, the cast is game, and the comedy relief doesn't overstay its welcome. What more could you ask?



The Cat and the Canary (1927) EP: Carl Laemmle / P: Paul Kohner / D: Paul Leni / W: Robert F. Hill, Alfred A. Cohn, John Willard (play) / C: Gilbert Warrenton / E: Martin G. Cohn / M: Hugo Riesenfeld / S: Laura La Plante, Creighton Hale, Forrest Stanley, Tully Marshall, Gertrude Astor, Flora Finch, Arthur Edmund Carewe, Martha Mattox

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Vintage Tuneage :: The Doctor in the Rockabilly Tardis.


Who my favorite Doctor Who is is up for debate. But...

... I think -- no, I know, I have a new favorite cover of his theme.
Give it a click and you just might, too, courtesy of...


Grandpa Candys:

Saša Jovanović, Andreja Milošević, Aleksandar Simić

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Video Purgatory :: Why Isn't This Available on DVD Again? :: Charles Band's Crash! (1976)

__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __

"Take a moment and try to envision what a
feature-length episode of Night Gallery would
have been like if directed by Hal Needham.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx -- The Foywonder
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx From Here to Obscurity
__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __


Ho-kay, folks, see if you can wrap your head around this plot: When an irascible old fart who's confined to a wheelchair (Ferrer) decides all of his cumulative woes and problems are solely the fault of his much younger trophy wife (Lyon), he vows to kill her. Now, sure, cinematically speaking, this standard and well tread plot is never as easy as it sounds, and so, filmmakers like to spice things up and throw a few more bananas into the plot-pudding, hoping to make it taste better than the last time -- or at least taste a little different. Here, producer and director Charles Band decided what this tired old plot needed was a demon-possessed automobile to, and I quote, "Smash other, defenseless cars into a mass of twisted metal."


Now we're getting somewhere! But how will this development help the husband murder the wife, you ask? Well, it doesn't, but that part of the plot is nothing more than an excuse to set-up the killer car. See, when Mr. Crankypants sics his murder weapon of choice, his pet Doberman, on the wife, she tries to escape in her trusty convertible. Of course this strategy backfires since the top is down, allowing the dog to hop in and severely maul the victim, causing a horrendous wreck, which she barely survives.


Rushed to the hospital, mummified in bandages, her mind lost to shock and amnesia, the only thing the wife seems to react to is a trinket recently found at a swap meet, currently held in a death-grip, that is allegedly in the shape of an ancient demon named Akaza -- though honestly, this totem looks more like a one-eyed gremlin trying to pinch-off a deuce.


Anyways ... soon enough, the constipated demon not only possesses her but also re-animates her junked auto AND her husbands well-chair! Turning them both into sentient, rampaging vehicles bent on homicidal vengeance, culminating in a Mexican stand-off between the no-goodnik husband and the killer car from hell.


Only future Full Moon front man Charles Band would have the kahonies to try and cash in on the dubious demon-possession and The Amazing Dobermans and the cataclysmic car chase-n-wreck boom of the late 1970's all in the same movie. And though most sources claim this film wasn't released until 1977, I've got some contradicting ads for Crash! from December of 1976. Whenever it was released, one can only hope they handed out souvenir Akaza totems at the concession stand. Sadly, this whole plot description is completely second hand as I've yet to have the privilege of seeing this, though not for a lack of trying. Please, somebody, anybody, get this thing out on DVD or Blu-ray or streaming as soon as humanly possible. Thanks.

Crash! (1976) BLC Services Inc. :: Group 1 International Distribution Organization Ltd. / P: Charles Band / D: Charles Band / W: Marc Marais / C: Andrew Davis / E: Harry Keramidas / M: Andrew Belling / S: José Ferrer, Sue Lyon, John Carradine, John Ericson, Leslie Parrish

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Meme Leech :: New SLIFR Quiz is a Go!


Courtesy of the always entertaining maestro of Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule, my terminally late (-- it's OK, my doctor gave me a note and everything) answers to Sister Clodagh's Superficially Spiritual, Ambitiously Agnostic Last-Rites-of-Spring Movie Quiz.

1) Favorite movie featuring nuns


2) Second favorite John Frankenheimer movie


3) William Bendix or Scott Brady?


Nobody loves William Bendix.

Nobody but me.

4) What movie, real or imagined, would you stand in line six hours to see? Have you ever done so in real life?


Oh, say, if Joe Dante ever got it into his head to do a remake of THEM!, sure ... For realsies, it wasn't quite six hours, but the line to see The Empire Strikes Back was long enough but worth it.

5) Favorite Mitchell Leisen movie

Well, I've only seen two, Kitty and Lady in the Dark, and though I love pretty much everyone involved, cast wise (Paulette Goddard, Ray Milland, Ginger Rogers), neither really did a whole lot for me.

6) Ann Savage or Peggy Cummins?


In a fight? I think Savage could take her. Three rounds. Tops. On screen? Cummins. So let's call that a push.



7) First movie you remember seeing as a child


A matinee double-feature of Disney's Blackbeard's Ghost and The Gnome-Mobile. Can't remember which was top-billed.

8) What moment in a movie that is not a horror movie made you want to bolt from the theater screaming?



Not from a theater, but, the scene in The Naked Prey (1966), where the natives torture and kill Cornel Wilde's hunting party, especially the native levy, who was coated and cocooned in clay and then cooked alive and crushed as the coating contracted in the heat, had me screaming "THAT AIN"T RIGHT!" at the top of my lungs. That scene still gives me the drizzles just thinking about it, and is the reason why I will never, ever watch that movie again.

9) Richard Widmark or Robert Mitchum?



Who gets to tell the other that they didn't win? Not me, brother. Next.

10) Best movie Jesus


Alan Arbus as "Jesse" in Greaser's Palace. Not trying to be a wise-ass, here, either. I dug the hell out of that movie. "If you feel you're healed."

11) Silliest straight horror film that you’re still fond of

Considering all the clout behind the camera for something tagged as "Thee Monster Movie" Prophecy turned out to be pretty darned hysterical and I love it unconditionally.

12) Emily Blunt or Sally Gray?


13) Favorite cinematic Biblical spectacular


I watch the network broadcast of this religiously every Easter. The only thing I do do religiously around Easter. Even invented my own drinking game for it.

14) Favorite cinematic moment of unintentional humor

Again, from Frankenheimer's Prophecy, when the giant mutant bear attacks the family of campers and punches the kid stuck in a sleeping bag, sending him flying into a rock, which causes him to explode in a shower of down filling. Look for yourselves if you dare....



15) Michael Fassbender or David Farrar?


16) Most effective faith-affirming movie

I got more from Rufus the Cat's 30-second speech about keeping the faith in Disney's The Rescuers than a decade of Sunday School indoctrination.

17) Movie that makes the best case for agnosticism


18) Favorite song and/or dance sequence from a musical



It does to count! That's a musical, and they're just dancing with cars to Booker T. and the MG's. And if you'd like a more traditional answer, I love that part in Singing in the Rain. You know, that part between the opening and closing credits. Loved that part.

19) Third favorite Howard Hawks movie


20) Clara Bow or Jean Harlow?

Harlow is great but wins this by default. Haven't had the pleasure of seeing Bow in action yet.

21) Movie most recently seen in the theater? On DVD/Blu-ray/Streaming?

Theater: The Avengers (Four times and counting...)
DVD: The Great Texas Dynamite Chase
Blu-ray: N/A
Streaming: Shack Out on 101

22) Most unlikely good movie about religion


I believe in Kowalski's God. I feel secure and humbled knowing that after all his trials and tribulations, tempered by the desert heat, shunning prophets and false prophets alike, Kowalski died for all our sins, and that he is still out there, somewhere, foot on the floor, going hellbent toward another, endless horizon. So, when next you face a moral dilemma or a crisis of conscience, just ask yourself: What Would Kowalski Do?

23) Phil Silvers or Red Skelton?


24) “Favorite” Hollywood scandal


Favorite probably isn't the right word, but, apparently, while on location filming Call of the Wild, stars Loretta Young and Clark Gable had a fling with one of those pesky nine-months later results. (Gable was married at the time, Young was between the first of three.) And fearing for both their careers, and being a staunch Catholic (-- unless we're talking about adultery and divorce, which she already had partook at least once on both counts and would do again on the later), Young hid the pregnancy, rather ridiculously, even so far as to having a press conference in bed covered in blankets to hide the evidence and dispel the rumors. When the baby was born, a girl, she was clandestinely placed in an orphanage by Young's mother. Never fear, when the girl neared the age of two, Young "adopted" her back, apparently the plan all along. Alas, genetics kinda gave it away, especially her father's wing-flap ears, and the poor girl would go through life as one of Hollywood's worst kept secrets. A secret her mother, being a staunch Catholic, would deny and surgically hide (those aforementioned ears went under the knife and were pinned back) until a final, private confrontation, where, after vomiting, Young admitted to the daughter that she was nothing more than a walking "mortal sin." Young would eventually make the knowledge public, posthumously, of course, in her autobiography. And this kind of action, putting a child through this, for that, is the reason I will continue to poke organized religion, any organized religion, with a sharp stick it so thoroughly deserves.


25) Best religious movie (non-Christian)


26) The King of Cinema: King Vidor, King Hu or Henry King? (Thanks, Peter)


*ahem* I'm sorry. Couldn't hear you over the big, roaring monkey. What were those choices again? King who?

27) Name something modern movies need to relearn how to do that American or foreign classics had down pat

Slow down, let the actors hit their mark, hold the camera steady, let special effects enhance your film, not define it, and stop trying to set records for the number of edits per minute per movie.

28) Least favorite Federico Fellini movie

Sadly, I've only seen La Dolce Vita and enjoyed it thoroughly.

29) The Three Stooges (2012)—yes or no?

Nah. But, as they say, your mileage may vary.

30) Mary Wickes or Patsy Kelly?


31) Best movie-related conspiracy theory


Three Men and a Ghost.


32) Your candidate for most misunderstood or misinterpreted movie


It's not about the car, folks. See answer to 22.

33) Movie that made you question your own belief system (religious or otherwise)


I didn't think it was possible to find the actual "worst movie ever made." I always figured that no matter how far you dug into the primordial slime in the rental racks, YouTube holes, or the depths of Netflix instant, there would always be something even worse out there, waiting for my cine-masochistic tendencies. That is, I did, until I saw this: the perfect balance of brain-addling tedium, stock-footage abuse, asinine characters, country-line dancing, flatulence jokes, and, oddly enough, no werewolves (-- sorry, a red-tinted POV shot does not count). There might be something out there that's worse than this, but I don't know if I actually want to find it let alone see it.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Shameless Plugs Part Deux :: Movie Poster Spotlight at the Archive.

And now, after that hemorrhage of Hitchcock posts, we get to the second reason -- well, third reason if you count the For the Love of Film blogathon, for the dearth of posts at the Brewery lately. For, while getting the Morgue back on its feet, I've also been busting hump tidying up our other sister site, the Poster Archive. Thus, and so, I am proud to announce that we've reached our 100th posted Poster Campaign. And the honor for that goes to one of my favorite movies...


Click here for the rest.

Other milestones include our 75th poster campaign:



Our 50th poster campaign:


Our 25th poster campaign:



And our first campaign:


By my math, so you'd better double-check it, that means there are 96 more campaigns waiting for your viewing pleasure. American International Double-Features, Toho Imports, including their non-kaiju output, Ray Harryhausen movies, William Castle movies with all the entailing ballyhoo and bullshit and a whole lot more, with lots and lots more to come. As for this place, I hope to finally get the latest SLIFR quiz finished, and there's a couple other posts brewing. Stay tuned.

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