We open on a damsel in distress, staked out in front of hungry leopard. Enter, stage left, our Arabian hero, who quickly works his kung-fu on the guards. And then -- with only one deathly chop! -- he takes out the leopard. The hard part done, our hero then serenades the girl while freeing her ... And the end credits roll. What ... That’s it?
Nope, and not so fast. What we've just witnessed was the climax of Johnny Tyrone’s latest cinematic epic, Sands of the Desert, which is a much better title than Harum Scarum. I mean, seriously ... Anyways, at the request of the American government, Johnny (Elvis Presley) held the world premiere in Abulstan to help improve U.S. relations with the Middle Eastern country, and after the American Ambassador thanks everyone for attending, he asks Johnny to sing a song, which he gladly does. (I was kind of hoping for his version of "Ahab the Arab" but, alas, I was skunked again.) Once the number concludes, the Ambassador introduces Johnny to Prince Dragna and his curvy companion, Aishah. They in turn invite the famous movie star to visit their secluded kingdom of Lunacan, that's beyond the Mountains of the Moon (-- and just left of the Burning Bush), and with the Ambassador’s urging, Johnny accepts their generous offer ... After a hard days travel through the desert, the Royal Caravan makes camp for the night, where Aishah informs Johnny that no other westerner has ever entered Lunacan before, so to him, it will be like stepping back 2000 years in time. And as Aishah pours Johnny a cup of wine and starts putting the moves on him, we notice that several nefarious-looking black-robed figures are closing in on the camp, scimitars drawn. Click here to read more...
2 comments:
Don't forget, The King cures autism by the power of his hugs. See Change of Habit.
That's the Power of the E, baby.
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