Presenting Professor Ed Avery's Cortisone-Fueled, Bigger-Than-Life, Super Big Gulp-Sized Summer Movie Quiz courtesy of the always mind-stumping Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule.
1) Depending on your mood, your favorite or least-loved movie cliché?
Favorite: Always loves me a good Wilhelm. / Least Favorite: The Ugly Duckling Fallacy: or dressing down some starlet in thick glasses and a bad hairdo and, shock of shocks, she's gorgeous after a montage makeover. Feh.
2) Regardless of whether or not you eventually caught up with it, which film classic have you lied about seeing in the past?
Roadhouse. I have no idea how I missed this one until late last year. Mea culpa or mea highway.
3) Roland Young or Edward Everett Horton?
Between Roaring Chicken and narrating Fractured Fairy Tales, Horton hears a win.
4) Second favorite Frank Tashlin movie?
Artists and Models being first, second goes to The Girl Can't Help it.
5) Clockwork Orange-- yes or no?
Not my favorite Kubrick by any stretch, and, despite the subject matter, I found the whole thing to be kinda silly -- not black comedy funny, but silly, which, due to the subject matter, is not what anybody was shooting for. So, no I guess.
6) Best/favorite use of gender dysphoria in a horror film?
Angela's beans and franks revelation at the end of Sleepaway Camp. Blew my mind when first exposed.
7) Melanie Laurent or Blake Lively?
Would love to see more of Laurent in anything. Not even sure who this Lively is...
8) Best movie of 2011 (so far…)
Well, so far I've only seen Thor, Battle: Los Angeles, and Paul. And though I enjoyed all of those most thoroughly, I fear I am not qualified to answer this. Yet.
9) Favorite screen performer with a noticeable facial deformity?
Jo Shishido and his amazing jowls of doom.
10) Lars von Trier: shithead or misunderstood comic savant?
A misunderstood shithead who makes some perversely interesting movies that I keep watching. [That's me shrugging right now.]
11) Timothy Carey or Henry Silva?
12) Low-profile writer who deserves more attention from critics and /or audiences?
No choice at all, my boobies!
No choice at all, my boobies!
I would hesitate to call John D. MacDonald low profile but I don't think he gets near enough credit where credit is due.
Otherwise, I'll champion the work of Adam Warren and his Empowered series. A lot raunchier than The Tick but just as hilarious take on the world of capes with a danger-prone heroine that has a lot more heart than you'd expect. Come for the kink, stay for the endearing characters.
13) Movie most recently viewed theatrically, and on DVD, Blu-ray or streaming?
Theater: Thor (2011) / DVD: Split Second (1953) / Streaming: Time Rider (1982)
14) Favorite film noir villain?
I think everybody's a friend of Harry Lime, skunk though he may be. And if we go off the beaten path a little I'll also give a shout out to Rebecca Welles in Juvenile Jungle.
15) Best thing about streaming movies?
Truthfully? I've had an amazing string of luck with films suggested by Netflix that it thinks I'll like based on my viewing habits.
16) Fay Spain or France Nuyen?
I was gonna say push until I remembered Nuyen was in The Horror at 37,000 Feet. I'll take bat-shit insane TV-Movies of the week for the win, Wink!
17) Favorite Kirk Douglas movie that isn’t called Spartacus?
The Bad and the Beautiful. Or Ulysses.
18) Favorite movie about cars?
19) Audrey Totter or Marie Windsor?
Totter wins for both ends of the spectrum: The Set-Up and for NOT being in Detour. (Thanks, Ivan.)
20) Existing Stephen King movie adaptation that could use an remake/reboot/overhaul?
Can someone take another run at IT using the movie already made but just fix the Attack of the Crab Monsters ending? 'kay. Thanks.
21) Low-profile director who deserves more attention from critics and/or audiences?
I shall stump for Eddie L. Cahn until they pry my copies of Invasion of the Saucer-Men and Creature with the Atom Brain from my cold dead hands.
22) What actor that you previously enjoyed has become distracting or a self-parody?
Bruce Willis when he's in full-bore John McLane mode. Which is always.
23) Best place in the world to see a movie
A drive-in, sadly untenable in my neck of the woods. I love watching movies at the Grand, a restored local theater that dates back to the 1920's. I'm not that big a hater of multi-plexes if they're run right (See question #38).
24) Charles McGraw or Sterling Hayden?
Hayden. These this or that's have been relatively easy this go'round.
25) Second favorite Yasujiro Ozu film?
26) Most memorable horror movie father figure?
Harry the Asshole from Night of the Living Dead. Especially since the asshole was right all along. Making him a bigot would have been so easy, but I'm glad they didn't. He's just some guy under a lot of pressure who fails on every front -- except for being right about the basement.
27) Name a non-action-oriented movie that would be fun to see in Sensurround?
Elvis on Tour or Pink Floyd's The Wall.
28) Chris Evans or Ryan Reynolds?
I don't get the hate for Reynolds in my circle. Still, I'd rather have a beer with Evans.
29) Favorite relatively unknown supporting player, from either or both the classic and the modern era?
Modern: Art La Fleur
30) Real-life movie location you most recently visited or saw?
Half the giggles I got out of Paul was that it basically retraced the same route in and out of the Nevada desert that a buddy and I took a couple of years ago. (Still have the stolen menu from the Little Ale'Inn.
31) Second favorite Budd Boetticher movie?
With 7 Men from Now and The Tall T tied for first, I'll say Ride Lonesome, which might've been the champ but the final duel between Scott and Van Cleef was so fast it felt a bit anti-climactic. Ask me tomorrow and it will be Comanche Station. Next week: The Killer is Loose.
32) Mara Corday or Julie Adams?
Hah. Forget what I said about these being easy. Also, I'm not gonna choose, here, either. As the old bull said to the young bull as they looked into the valley below...
33) Favorite Universal-International western?
Let's remove Anthony Mann from the equation and go with No Name on the Bullet. Why? Audie f*ck'n Murphy.
34) What's the biggest "gimmick" that's drawn you out to see a movie?
Back in the Mid-80's I attended a midnight screening of When the Screaming Stops and all I got was a complimentary motion-picture sickness [barf] bag. I also have a survival certificate from a midnight showing of Faces of Death V. More recently I was drawn to Omaha for a screening of The Room for all its accompanying thunder and poop.
And then there was that get in free if you wear a toga to a 30th Anniversary screening of Animal House (and I'm always looking for any excuse to wear that hat in public)...
35) Favorite actress of the silent era?
36) Best Eugene Pallette performance?
37) Best/worst remake of the 21st century so far?
Best: Either Beat Takeshi's The Blind Swordsmen: Zatoichi (2003) or the Coen's True Grit (2011). / Worst: Lots to choose from but I'm gonna peg Burton's Planet of the Apes (2001). Forget that monumentally retarded ending, but Burton just wasn't the right guy for this franchise reboot. Not even close.
38) What could multiplex owners do right now to improve the theatrical viewing experience for moviegoers? What could moviegoers do?
As a man of substantial girth (read: fat) I would encourage any overhaul ideas that included wider seats or retractable arm rests. On the local front, just paying better attention in the projection booth. Over the past year I've seen entire films out of focus, matted wrong, the sound at both deafening levels and nearly inaudible to no sound at all in spots, pictures out of whack, the auditorium lights left on, with none of this remedied until someone went and alerted the cashier at the concession stand. I mean, if you don't care, then I won't care to come back.