Monday, November 27, 2017

Asked and Answered :: Professor Birdman's Wing-Flapping, Plumage-Flaunting, Beak-Busting Thanksgiving Weekend Movie Quiz!

Well. Haven't done one of these SLIFR quizzes for awhile. Thus and so, and here we go!

1) Most obnoxious movie you’ve ever seen?

Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness? (1969). Worst 3am mind-f@ck at B-Fest of ever.

2) Favorite oddball pairing of actors?

Great googily-moogily. Have you seen the cast list for The Phynx (1970)? Even more mind-boggling than Skidoo (1968).

3) Which movie would you have paid to see remade by Ken Russell?

An adult version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971).

4) Emma Stone or Margot Robbie?

Emma Stone.

5) Which member of Monty Python are you?

My heart says Michael Palin, but my head says Terry Jones.

6) Which movie would you have paid to see remade by Vincent Minnelli?

Sextette (1978).

7) Franco Nero or Gian Maria Volonte?

Franco Nero. And not only for Django (1966), but for those totally bonkers Gamma-1 films.

8) Your favorite Japanese monster movie?

Destroy. All. Monsters (1968).

9) Which movie would you have paid to see remade by Stanley Kubrick?

Blade Runner (1982). Or anything by Philip K. Dick, really.

10) Hanna Schygulla or Barbara Sukowa?

Well, had to Google both of them and nothing rang a bell so I will disqualify myself on this one.

11) Name a critically admired movie that you hate?

I think we’ve covered this before.

12) Which movie would you have paid to see remade by Elia Kazan?

A remake of A Face in the Crowd (1957) -- only updated for these modern times, so when Lonesome gets busted, he spins it, finds Jesus, no one cares, and he keeps on keeping on grabbing ‘em by the pussy.

13) Better or worse: Disney comedies (1955-1975) or Elvis musicals?

This question is moot because it works on the assumption that both are bad. Both are overly maligned AND I AIN’T HAVING IT!!! Dean Jones was like a second father to me, man. The Big E and Dexter Reilly 4VR!!!

14) Which movie would you have paid to see remade by Alfred Hitchcock?

Would love to see what he could do with a bona fide body count movie like And Then There Were None (1945) or Blood and Black Lace (1964).

15) Ryan Gosling or Channing Tatum?

Again, this is very close but I’m going with Gosling because he was in this, and he was great:

16) Bad performance in a movie you otherwise like/love?

George Lazenby in On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969). Look. Do you all remember the scene in Singing in the Rain (1952), when Don, Kathy and Cosmo salvage The Dueling Cavalier by turning it into an outlandish musical extravaganza, whose main objective was to hide Lina Lamont's shortcomings as an actress? Well, I got the same impression of all involved working extra hard to overcompensate for Lazenby's lack of range in OHMSS. Again, to be fair, Lazenby isn't that terrible but he is very inconsistent, depending on what he was called on to do. For as good as he was in the dust-ups and stunts, his attempts at humor -- especially the punctuating punning is pretty atrocious, and he has all the charming romantic swagger of a drunken fratboy. He also eats and botches several lines that make it into the film, making one wonder if director Peter Hunt knew wasting film on any additional takes would solve nothing.

And truth told, everything else around him, the co-stars (-- big nods to Diana Rigg and Telly Savalas), the action set-pieces, the editing (-- except for the inexplicable skip-framing in a couple of fights), the sets themselves, the production design, George Baker's dubbing assist, the costuming, even the soundtrack (major kudos to John Barry, whose running theme is probably the best in the series), are all making Lazenby look better than he really is. C'mon. Admit it. And there was no way in hell the production team could keep that kind of effort up as the series progressed and would've only exposed his shortcomings even more. As is, Lazenby was good enough to make On Her Majesty's Secret Service one of my favorite Bond movies. But try as I might, I cannot see him making Diamonds Are Forever (1971) work, let alone Live and Let Die (1973).

17) Which movie would you have paid to see remade by Howard Hawks?

Night of the Living Dead (1968).

18) Tippi Hedren or Kim Novak?

This is hard, but I’m gonna give it to Hedren for the damage sustained while making Roar (1981).

19) Best crime movie remake?

A Fistful of Dollars (1964).

20) Which movie would you have paid to see remade by Preston Sturges?

This may seem a little blasphemous but I think he should take another shot at The Palm Beach Story (1942). Close, but it’s not quite there.

21) West Side Story (the movie), yes or no?

This is one of those movies I will agree that it is very good, that it has merit, but just ain’t for me.

22) Which movie would you have paid to see remade by Luchino Visconti?

I fear I will have to disqualify myself again, again.

23) What was the last movie you saw, theatrically and/or on DVD/Blu-ray/streaming?

Theatrically: Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017). Streaming: Seoul Station (2016). DVD: The Killing (1956). Bluray: Kino Lorber’s much welcomed theatrical cut of The Good, the Bad and the Ugly (1966).

24) Brewster McCloud or O.C. and Stiggs?

Brewster McCloud. Neither is Altman at his best.

25) Which movie would you have paid to see remade by Luis Bunuel?

Watership Down (1978).

26) Best nature-in-revolt movie?

Best: Phase IV (1974). Favorite? Any movie where Leslie Nielsen goes all alpha male and wrassles a bear or there's an all-out Giant Bunny Attack!!!

27) Best Rene Auberjoinois performance (film or TV)?

There was an adaptation of Poe stories for PBS made decades ago, where he played Fortunato in The Cask of Amontillado segment (-- I think John Heard played Montressor). Haunting stuff considering the character’s fate.

28) Which movie would you have paid to see remade by Ingmar Bergman?

Ingmar Bergman should remake Ingmar Burgman’s Whispers of the Wolf (1982).

29) Best movie with a bird or referencing a bird in its title?

Best? Duck Soup (1933). Favorite? Father Goose (1964).

30) Burt Lancaster or Michael Keaton?

This is harder than it should be because I just watched The Founder (2016) and am still buzzing over Keaton’s performance in Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017), but, c’mon, for what he did in front of and behind the camera, this one goes to Lancaster.

31) In what way have the recent avalanche of allegations unearthed in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal changed the way you look at movies and the artists who make them?

When this story broke I was kind of in the middle of a slasher kick, and so, I rewatched The Burning (1981), a horror film on which the entire Weinstein empire was built, which was also co-written by the Weinstein brothers and it threw a whole, new skeevy slant on the film as they treat their female characters like disposable meat with accessible slots, who are constantly harassed and abused by their asshole boyfriends, and the nominal ‘final girl’ is a guy, and a total creep, who is also a peeping-tom, panty-sniffing pervert who shows signs of becoming a serial sexual predator in his own right. *shudder*

32) In 2017 which is “better,” TV or the movies?

Both are being strangled by being too franchise driven at the moment. Both face upcoming challenges as the theatrical experience sure ain’t what it used to be and the coming fight over net neutrality and the fracturing of streaming delivery services means the salad days are coming to a close for show access. I loath the fact that most theaters are being made over to be more like your living room, which is asinine because why leave home in the first place? Can we please put the “theatrical experience” back in the theatrical experience? 

And that'll do it for this round. Until next time, Boils and Ghouls, stay cool!


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