On the Big Screen :: The Great Halloween Double-Feature that Wasn't.

Well, once again, turns out I am a complete idiot. But in my defense, this time, I had help, and so, this cinematic catastrophe was not entirely my fault. To preface this tale of woe, you'll need to know that the 20 Grand Multiplex in Lincoln, NE, had been showing old school Fright Flicks all October. The first week they had multiple screenings of Carpenter's remake of The Thing, which I'd already made the 200 mile round trip to see; the second, The Shining; and the third week, Friday the 13th, which is where I came in again.

Wanting to see this on the big screen, a check of the theater's online schedule showed the last time Friday would play would be on Thursday, 10/24. And while sussing that out, this same website also claimed there would be a 12:01am showing of the original Halloween on Friday, 10/25, to celebrate its 35th Anniversary. And when an online schedule says there's a 12:01am show on Friday, you'll forgive a guy if he assumes you mean there'll be a show at 12:01am on Friday, meaning two minutes after 11:59pm on Thursday. Because, hooray, by sheer coincidence, that last Friday the 13th show was slated to start just before 10pm on Thursday, with Halloween to follow two hours and one minute later -- again, according to the online schedule. Pfffft. Yeah. Right. 

Anyways, I'm sure you all see where this is going, but, at the time, I did not. And so ... Excited by the opportunity to take in this amazing double-feature, I quickly ordered tickets online despite some heavy reservations. See, I've only done that once before, for another anniversary screening of Elvis on Tour, which was an unmitigated disaster of 'We can't find your order, sir. Sorry, but you'll have to purchase another ticket if you'd like to get in, sir. So sorry for the inconvenience, sir, please check the website, and, that'll be another $20. Enjoy the show.' Still, I didn't want to run the risk of driving that far and getting skunked out on a sold out show. The tickets were much, much cheaper, so, eh, what the hell?

When the fateful day arrived, off to Lincoln I went, with a quick stop at the delightful King Kong Burger for a Double-Kong Burger with cheese and bacon before heading to the theater, where, thankfully, I retrieved the tickets for both shows with nary a hiccup or peep from the staff. Hooray! Checking the ticket for the Friday the 13th showing, I quickly found the right theater and grabbed a seat. It was a small but game crowd. Surveying the audience, I was the only one there over thirty. Most appeared to be under twenty, and, judging by the reactions, most had never seen it before, which made it twice as fun watching the movie and watching them react to all the jump scares. 

The movie itself is no work of art, yes; the acting is uniformly terrible, the plot mere contrivance, and Kevin Bacon definitely stuffs his speedo, but the F/X hold up remarkably well and I just love the infernal thing to itty-bitty pieces. And, oh, the chorus of screams at that final surprise cameo. And what I found extremely amusing is how everybody was jumping and shrieking through the whole thing except for Betsy Palmer's climactic decapitation, which brought a roar of laughter, that got louder during the cut back to the wriggling hands and the blood-spurting stump. A strange release, really. And then blammo a few minutes later with the soggy shocker. The screening also kinda brought me full circle on the film itself, for I had now seen Friday the 13th via word of mouth from my older sister, on Betamax, on VHS, on old school Laser Disc, on broadcast TV, on basic cable, on premium cable, on Monstervision, digital streaming, on DVD, on BluRay, expanded through the novelization, three separate 'making of' texts, and countless behind the scenes documentaries, and then I saw it this spring at a Drive-In, and now, finally, under a hardtop. How cool is that? And I look forward to seeing it again whatever the next platform may be.

Speaking of late twists everyone saw coming but me, when the first screening got out and I filed back into the lobby proper, something just didn't feel right. Off. I had about twenty minutes to kill before the second feature started so I went to the snack bar for some Junior Mints but was promptly told they were closed. Odd, I thought, with another movie yet to start tonight. A quick glance at  the ticket showed it to be playing in Theater #1, which was just disgorging the audience for Bad Grampa. And once they cleared out, the large theater lobby seemed strangely deserted. And then it was quiet. Too quiet, he typed ominously. Surely I wasn't the only one going to attend this screening, right? With that, I checked the ticket again to make sure I had the right theater, and here, I finally noticed the fine print, saying the ticket was good for Friday evening, and dated the 26th, which, of course was Saturday. 

Screen-cap of the Friday, October 25, schedule.

Click to enlarge and please note the time.

E'yup, the online schedule was lying, or just confused. Like me right now. Mea culpa for not checking into things a little closer, but, dammit, I was just going by what the schedule was saying. A quick recheck of the website showed a 12:01am show on Friday AND Saturday only. Here, see for yourselves. 

Screen-cap of the Saturday, October 26, schedule.

Click to enlarge and please note the time. Again.

I can only assume that what the website was really trying to say was there would be a midnight showing of Halloween on Friday and Saturday night but assumptions is what led me here in the first place. And why the hell they couldn't just say that instead of the slightly confusing 12:01am horseshit is beyond me. I mean, I'm not crazy for reading the schedule that way, right? (I had also wrongly assumed Halloween was the last weekly holiday feature, turns out ParaNorman had that honor.) Feh. 

Judging by the crowd of one lingering in the lobby, apparently, I was the only dupe who fell into this hero trap. I was going to ask someone about this snafu but everyone had disappeared. I lingered for another five minutes but when no one else arrived I knew I had made a mistake; an honest mistake, sure, cultivated by some terribly confusing and misleading info, but a mistake nonetheless. I grumped and grumbled the whole long drive back home. It didn't help that I had rearranged my entire vacation schedule to make this work. Once I got home, I checked into a refund on the soon to be unused tickets but I scotched it, figuring it would be easier to just eat the whole $11 and chalk it up to experience. The double-feature was too good to be true for a film freak like me. Turns out it was.

Well, long story short, I did wind up going back to Lincoln the next night. The movie was totally worth it and simply could not be passed up; but the sheen was definitely off the whole adventure by then. (Especially when you consider that second tank of gas.) The second night it had become less about the movie and more about gaining a modicum of a satisfactory conclusion for this errant quest. I do not regret the opportunity to see these films on the big screen, which is why there are no angry e-mails on the way to Marcus Theaters' corporate office because I do appreciate the venue. I just regret that something that could've been perfect, and awesome, perfectly awesome, wasn't. *sigh*

Sights and Sounds :: April Ghouls Monster Rama :: Day 2 :: Welcome to the Drive-In! Slashers on the Left, Zombies to the Right!

Everyone, meet the gang. The gang, meet everyone.

As we geared up, Sean introduced us to two new victims to our collective head of knuckle -- make that three new victims, Dave, Hilary, and an adorable three-legged pup named Bandit, who were truly hardcore by camping out at the Riverside itself for the two day festival. (Don't know about the rest of you, but April has been blatantly frigid in my neck of the woods and the hills of western Pennsylvania proved no different.) And after a few logistical snags were cleared up (Tim, did you ever find that missing chair?), we broke bread ... well, cookies and cake, hit the snack bar and the Creepy Classics booth, where I picked up the William Castle box set dirt cheap, and then eventually migrated back to our area and settled in for the national anthem (-- which I did not accidentally belch out the opening chorus for this year. Win!) And as the sun went down, and the stars fought against an overcast sky, showtime finally descended up on us...

Before June of 1980, summer camps probably brought to mind some fun in the sun, perhaps an inconvenient tumble in a patch of poison oak, or maybe stealing your first kiss behind the canteen before gathering and singing songs around the campfire. But after June 1980, thanks to the efforts of producer / director Sean S. Cunningham, a rousing chorus of "Kum-Bah-Yah" rapidly degenerated into a brutally quick rendition of "Kum-Bah-Yaaaaarrrrgghhhh!" when a lethally sharp gardening implement was shoved into your spleen, leaving you to gargle on your own juices for that last refrain.

 
Combining some old fashioned hucksterism, a little Agatha Christie, and a big old twitching dose of Mario Bava's Nerve of Death, people tend to forget that Friday the 13th was, at its heart, a genuine murder mystery. Sure, the mystery of who is knocking off the counselors at Camp Crystal Lake takes a back seat to the grisly nature of the murders themselves but we don't know who the killer is until the very end -- and aside from a brief, but very effective cameo, Jason Vorhees doesn't even appear in it. 

Cunningham also landed grue-F/X guru Tom Savini and it was his skills and kills that gave the film its legs and truly launched the franchise. Yeah, Paramount picked the film up after losing out on the rights on another slasher, Prom Night, and has always been embarrassed by this monster it created -- but that didn't stop them from rushing out four sequels in as many years after the initial release to cash in as the franchise quickly went off the rails and got really, really stoopid, really, really quick -- and this is coming from an unabashed fan. 

Tim puts on a production of Agatha Christie's 10 Little Kittens.
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Okay, so, the campground bloodbath of Friday the 13th was based on the New Jersey urban legend of Cropsy, who, as the tale goes, was a camp handyman who fell victim to a disfiguring prank involving an open flame and some kerosene (-- what could possibly go wrong, there, am I right?), who then spent the rest of his life haunting and hunting campers for a little payback. And while Cunningham's film is only tangently related, the Weinstein brothers' The Burning is the full Cropsy Monte plus the added bonus of seeing Jason Alexander and Fisher Stevens' bare asses. 

The bloody and naked-boob'd rock on which Miramax was built, The Burning was an early slasher cash-in that benefits from the rules of such things not being set in bedrock just yet, meaning the victims actually react both proactively and like their heads are still attached once it's been established a mad-killer is running amok -- but only after a tragic encounter with an abandoned canoe. 

 

Again, Savini provided the grue, which helps overcompensate for the worst final girl in Stalk-n-Slash history -- some weasly little schmuck of pervert, who shows all the earmarks of being a serial sexual predator in waiting, groomed, perhaps, to take the killer's place in the sequel. Nice. Fortunately, then, even though The Burning was good enough to warrant a sequel, we never got one. And if nothing else, the film provided a running gag about the fate of those missing canoes for the rest of the rest of the Monster Rama. 

Speaking of the Monster Rama, one of the greatest things about this venue is how during the intervals between films, the audience is treated to a ton of genre-specific trailers on top of the vintage snack bar adverts.

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On Friday, sticking with the slasher theme, we got the trailers for Friday the 13th parts I through VI, Happy Birthday to Me, The Prowler, Silent Scream, My Bloody Valentine, New Year's Evil and many others before switching gears from relentless killing machines to relentless killing AND eating machines... 

Back in 1968 Image Ten Productions, a motley band of weekend filmmakers, cobbled together the no-budget classic of all time -- not to mention one of the greatest horror films ever made, that came to be known as Night of the Living Dead. Soon after, however, the company splintered apart but an amicable agreement was reached on the copyright to their seminal film: director George Romero was allowed to the use the word “Dead” in future films, while scriptwriter John Russo laid claim to the phrase “Living Dead.” And while Romero would go on to write and direct the classic sequel Dawn of the Dead, followed by the not quite as classic, Day of the Dead, around the same time, Russo had hammered out a sequel of his own, titled Return of the Living Dead. But the financing to actually film it always eluded him and, eventually, Russo gave up and sold his share of the copyright, which changed hands several times before falling into scriptwriter Dan O’Bannon’s lap. 

And knowing full well he couldn’t compete with Romero’s films, O’Bannon -- best known for scripting Alien, junked Russo’s script; a direct sequel that seemed content to just rehash its source material; and so Return of the Living Dead went through a massive overhaul and became one of the most hysterical black comedies that still managed to give you the heebie-jeebies as the zombie chants of "Brains" filthfully and furiously entered the pop-culture lexicon. That, and one of the greatest Oh, shit endings to ever end and ending. 

"Tiiiinnnaaaaaa!"

A killer soundtrack, gruesomely outstanding F/X, and Linnea Quigley's magnificent breasts have long been trumpeted (and freeze-framed) as this film's main attractions but I think the majority of the credit for the film's shelf-life belongs to a set of other boobs played by Clu Gulager, James Karen and Don Calfa. 

Return of the Living Dead came out the same year as George Romero's Day of the Dead, our last feature of the evening, and, speaking frankly, the former has aged much better than the latter. Now, coming into this Dusk til Dawn rampage of a movie-thon, we all knew full well that the weather would probably be far less than ideal. The forecast for the evening called for lows in the 30s with a slight chance of rain and or sleet. Luckily, nothing ever fell from the sky but the temperature actually bottomed out at 24 degrees by the time the third feature ended and another round of adverts went up.

Now, I know it's a drive-in, meaning your seat is in your car but our group tends to treat these Super Ramas and Monster Ramas as a tailgate party, meaning lawn chairs and blankets and movies in whatever elements we're dealt. And, being prepared, I had brought several layers of clothing, jackets, hats, gloves and blankets, which I had been adding, layer by layer, with the conclusion of each film (-- and who knew those foil-wrapped cheeseburgers from the snack bar would make such great hand-warmers). But now I was out of stuff to add and, having foolhardily ignored several overtures of hopping in the car to warm up for a bit, watched as frost formed on my friend's shoes as the cold really started to sink in on this damp and dreary (weather-wise) night. 

Thus and so, with the clock tolling almost 3am, most of our group decided to forgo the last film, call it a night, and head back to the Roadhouse to warm up. Myself, I was torn. After all, I had driven 1100 miles for this thing and didn't really feel right leaving it undone. After packing up and jumping in the car, I talked Mike into at least sticking it out through the trailers, which was soooo worth it. (Dead and Buried and The Grim Reaper. Hell yeah!) And then, we stuck through the fantastic opening, pre-credit sequence for Day of the Dead that, alas, the rest of the film just can't sustain. Anyways, here's the trailer:

Video courtesy of Coldheart9009.

And here's a really good review by fellow attendee Scott Ashlin, whose opinion of the film I echo and endorse, making the decision to abandon it for the warming confines of the motel a helluva lot easier than it probably should have been. Yeah, after sitting in the cold for that long, the car's heater was a welcome respite but was already making me really sleepy. And so, we left Dr. Logan, Captain Rhodes, Bub and the rest to fend for themselves and trundled up to the motel, where, once inside, my bladder finally defrosted and I realized I hadn't gone to the toitee all night. The resultant flight to the bathroom I'll leave to your imagination. 

But, before I say goodnight, I'll remind you all that we still have one more night of movies to recollect through and the weatherman promises a 30 degree spike in the temp. Hooray. And lastly, a final shout out to the guy parked next to us who had his headlights covered with pizza boxes because he didn't know how to shut them off. Been there, dude. Next time, push the light switch in like a plunger and you should be gold. G'night, all... 

Stay tuned, Boils and Ghouls, for our final 

report on the April Ghoul's Monster Rama.

(And what happened to those canoes again?)

This New Dimension in Terror Feels A Lot Like the Old One :: A Beer Gut Reaction to Steve Miner's Friday the 13th Part 3-D

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

"Goddammit, Shelley, why do you
always have to be such an asshole?"

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Out of the first wave of Camp Crystal Lake bloodbaths, Friday the 13th Part 3 is probably the most reviled and least popular of the original four. And if it weren't for the Jason-less installment in Part V and the whole mountain of stupid that was Jason Takes Manhattan, it'd probably be considered the worst of the franchise period. And rightfully so, as aside from a fine final girl in Dana Kimmel, it's a pretty crummy movie. Sure, it was the first appearance of the iconic hockey mask, but for those of us who prefer Mr. Potato-Sack Head it's kind of a wash.

 
Taking place the very next day after the events of Friday the 13th Part 2, another group of teen-aged cannon fodder head to the Kimmel family cabin, nestled somewhere on the scenic shores of Crystal Lake, for a weekend of pot-smoking and boot-knocking. Typical, yes, and about the only original twist in the plot comes from Kimmel, who relates how she caught a glimpse of young Jason Vorhees when she was a kid -- and the episode still haunts her to this day. Beyond that, the killings come in earnest, twelve in total, with a strong sense of deja-vu as a lot of the kills and set-pieces are just nth generation carbon-copies of the original film -- right down to the twist ending, with Kimmel the lone survivor; only this time the fetid and water-logged corpse of Mrs. Vorhees makes a cameo appearance. I know that doesn't make any sense. Yes, I know she doesn't have a head. Just roll with it, okay.
  
Of course we're two paragraphs into this review and I haven't even mentioned the film's biggest lure back then was that it was filmed in 3-D. See, the early 1980's saw an inexplicable resurgence of this camera trick and it resulted in a rash of horror film sequels whose numerations, by some cosmic twist of fate, just happened to serendipitously line-up: JAWS 3-D, Amityville 3-D and Friday the 13th Part 3-D all came out within a year of each other. At the time of there theatrical release, I managed to catch the giant shark taking out Sea World, but since my seventeenth birthday was still a few years away, even though blessed with an early growth spurt, I failed to bluff my way in and got busted at the ticket counter when I tried to see this flick, meaning I had to settle for the 2-D version when it finally hit the Video Kingdom. Which brings us up to a few days ago when I discovered that Paramount had re-released Friday the 13th Part 3 on DVD in both a 2-D and 3-D version.

 
Now, I had seen a few other DVDs touting the gimmick but took a pass on them after taking the plunge several years ago on a 3-D version of Catwomen on the Moon that didn't work worth a shit and was a complete waste of time and money. But still riding on a 3-D high from a recent trip to Disney-World, partaking in three different 3-D attractions, which were all a-flipping-mazing, I thought perhaps maybe technology had finally caught up to allow this to actually work.

 

So did it work?

  

 

Well, yes and no. Let me explain:

  

 
Putting the DVD in, I donned the glasses that were included and settled into the chair, but from the very beginning something just didn't feel right. The way the glasses were designed didn't fit my noggin' all that well; they were too wide, the eye-holes set too far apart, and the nose cut wasn't centered, which tended to draw your eyes to the left or to the center (-- think Opti-Grab from The Jerk). As for the picture, well, if you cocked your head just right and squinted, you almost got the effect the creator's intended. Thus, about a half-hour in, with all the overlapping images that wouldn't quite meld, I had myself a splitting headache; about an hour in it had erupted into a full blown migraine with the usual accompanying nausea; and then ten minutes later, I was rushing to the toilet and heaved up the Chinese take-out I'd ordered and eaten.

 

Thank you, movie.

Undaunted, after a handy Naproxem, I was determined to finish this f@cker. But first, on a whim, I went in search of some other 3-D glasses left over from B-Fest. I found them, donned them, pressed play, and the difference was night and day! With the proper eyewear, this thing really popped off the screen! Now, IMHO, the process worked best in the depth of field; when you have something stacked from front to back. Not so much, though, when they purposefully thrust something out at you; the only time that really worked was an amazing sequence when Kimmel dumps a bookcase over and the books plummet toward you and Jason. And yes, even in 3-D, Shelley is still a complete douchebag.

 
In the end, Friday the 13th Part 3, no matter what dimension you see it in, is still a crummy movie, but, from what I saw, forgetting the rough start due to some faulty equipment, I think 3-D on DVD is a viable commodity and look forward to more re-releases of other 3-D flicks. Think of it: It Came from Outer Space or Creature from the Black Lagoon anyone?

Other Points of Interest:

Newspaper ads for Friday the 13th Part 3 at the Morgue.

 

Friday the 13th Part 3 3-D (1982) Jason Productions :: Georgetown Productions Inc. :: Paramount Pictures / EP: Lisa Barsamian / P: Frank Mancuso Jr., Tony Bishop / AP: Peter Schindler / D: Steve Miner / W: Martin Kitrosser, Carol Watson / C: Gerald Feil / E: George Hively / M: Harry Manfredini / S: Dana Kimmell, Tracie Savage, Richard Brooker, Jeffrey Rogers, Richard Brooker, Catherine Parks, Larry Zerner

A Long Night at Camp Blood :: The Musical Version!

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"He forgot to mention that downtown
they call this place 'Camp Blood.'"
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Ten little...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Nine little...


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx... Eight little Campers.

Seven little...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Six little...


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx... Five little campers.


Four little...xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


Three little...


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx... Two little campers.


Leaving one little camper left.

All apologies to Septimus Winner, Agatha Christie, Michael Finnegan, Sean S. Cunningham and everyone else in the known universe for the complete lameness of this post. Just had a little too much fun revisiting this film after posting the ads for it over at Scenes from the Morgue. *tee hee* Kill her, mommy. Kill her...


Friday the 13th (1980) Sean S. Cunningham Films :: Georgetown Productions Inc. :: Paramount Pictures / EP: Alvin Geiler / P: Sean S. Cunningham / AP: Steve Miner / D: Sean S. Cunningham / W: Victor Miller / C: Barry Abrams / E: Bill Freda / M: Harry Manfredini / S: Adrienne King, Robbi Morgan, Kevin Bacon, Jeannine Taylor, Harry Crosby, Laurie Bartram, Peter Brouwer, Betsy Palmer