Thursday, December 31, 2009

Breaking Down the Aughts :: Ten People, Places and Things I'm Thankful to Have Encountered Over the Last Ten Years.

And here they are, in no particular order.

The Realization of Bubba Ho-Tep ::


This is what happens when one of my favorite ic
ons [The Big E], and one of my favorite actors [Bruce Campbell], and one of my favorite authors [Joe Lansdale] is put into a blender by an alchemist from the House of Coscarelli and turned into pure cinema gold. Hands down, my favorite movie of The Aughts.

Case Closed ::


I'll admit the previews for TNT's The Closer, with the fiddle-dee-dee approach of Kyra Sedgewick's Deputy Chief Brenda Lee Johnson,
didn't do much for me. Luckily, I still tuned in and found one of the best ensemble pieces to come down the pike since ... I don't know when. Solid mysteries, solid twists, and a solid lead character is usually enough to hook me, but it's the secondary characters that truly fleshes this out and keeps bringing me back for more -- and I still hold out hopes for a Provenza and Flynn spin-off series.

Pegg, Wright, Frost & Associates ::


Spaced, Shaun of the Dead
, Hot Fuzz and counting...


If You're Looking for Me, You Better
Check Under the Sea, Mailbox-Head ::


Of the first wave of Adult Swim cartoons, it was the minimalist absurdity of Captain Murphy, Marco, Sparks, Debbie, Stormy, Hesh, and Dr. Quinn stuck at the bottom of the ocean in Sea Lab 2021
that made me laugh the hardest.

A New Dirty Harry for the C.S.I. Generation ::


I back-door'd into Jeff Lindsey's Dexter Morg
an novels after being exposed to a couple episodes of Showtime's fantastic series, Dexter. The first novel was a new and different take on the serial killer, the second not so much, and the third needs to be retconned out of existence as soon as possible before I even think about cracking open the fourth. [... Robo-Doakes? Seriously. Robo-Doakes.] The TV series fared better, though the second season suffered, I think, mightily from the impending writer's strike come to pass. But from what I've heard the 3rd season is back on track, and firmly anchored by Michael C. Hall as the P.D. lab rat by day, avenging serial killer by night, I'm eager to get back into the blood-soaked crime scenes, so to speak.

The Quite Spectacular Spider-Man ::


Not only is this animated adaptation of old web-head nearly note perfect in tone and execution
, it also strikes a perfect balance of staying true to the source material and contemporaneity that one can only watch and boggle at the action, drama and intrigue with a huge smile on your face as the [yes it even has an] obnoxious theme song gets stuck in your head. And after you've absorbed the first two seasons of episodes, that split time equally with Peter Parker and his alter-ego, you, like me, won't give a shit about Spider-Man 4 [which had a steep hill to climb after Debacle-Man 3 already] but will be more concerned about the fate of Season 3, which, being a Sony product, is currently up in the air after Marvel's sale to Disney. Regardless, it was awesome to see Gwen Stacey again, alive and well and whose fate, hopefully, isn't cast in bedrock, meaning, also hopefully, the series writers won't throw her under the bus when they get tired of her like their predecessors did.

Welcome to Dog River, Saskatchewan.
Population: Around 500 ::


Maybe its the fact that the title town and province are almost an anagram of Holstein, Nebraska, [Population: Around 100] is wh
y I love this show so much, but even if you're not rural in your roots the hick humor and hayseed buffoonery of small town life as portrayed by the Caknuckle-headed denizens in Corner Gas is pretty damned funny.



The Three Faces of Andy Serkis ::


The British Invasion via BBC America ::


Life on Ma
rs


W
ire in the Blood


Messiah



Spac
ed


Black B
ooks


Dr. Wh
o

Fighting Crime with Ed Brubaker ::

As the decade progressed and my stack of monthly slicks from the old comic shop whittled down to almost nothing as both major companies made some monumentally stupid decisions, decisions equivalent to jamming your car into reverse at 80mph, destroying your transmission, and turning your only means of transportation into a giant paper-weight of grinding gears going nowhere fast as the engine slowly devours itself, there was one author who seemed immune and continued to draw my readership: Ed Brubaker. And from his revamp of Catwoman [with Darwn Cooke], to Gotham Central [with Greg Rucka and Michael Lark], to his incredible run on Captain America [with Steve Epting], where Steve Roger's death was way, way more than a cheap gimmick to boost sales, and the resurection of Bucky Barnes is anything but hackneyed, nobody did it better. And if that wasn't enough, his Criminal series is just as good, and I've just started going through his Daredevil trades and am happy to report everything this guy touches seems to turn to gold.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

The 4th Annual Christmas Craptacular All Night Movie Marathon!

There is nothing wrong with your web browser. Do not attempt to reload the page. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it lewder, we can suggest a few other sites. If we wish to make it cleaner, sorry, we can't help you. We can reduce your focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. For the next 12 hours, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to ... The 12 Hours of The Outer Limits.

(With all sincerest apologies to Frederic Austin and Leslie Stevens.)

On the First Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me

A Demon with a G
lass Hand.

On the Second Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to
me
Two Second Chances

And a Demon with a Glass
Hand

On the Third Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to m
e
Three Mutants

Two Second Chances
And a Demon with a Glas
s Hand

On the Fourth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits
gave to me
Four Specimens Unknown

Three Mutants

Two Second Chanc
es
And a Demon with a Glass Hand

On the Fifth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave
to me
Five Corpus Earthlings

Four Specimens Unknown
Three Mutants

Two Second Chances

And a Demon with a Glass Han
d

On the Sixth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me

Six Zan
ti Misfits
Five Corpus Earthlings

Four Specimens Unknown

Three Mutants

Two Second Chances

And a Demon with a
Glass Hand

On the Seventh Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to
me
Seven Expanding Humans

Six Zanti Misfits
Five Corpu
s Earthlings
Four Specimens Unknown

Three Mutants

Two Second Chances

And a Demon with a Gl
ass Hand

On the Eighth Hour
of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me

Eight Tourist Attractions
Seven Expanding Humans

Six Zanti Misfits

Five Corpus Earthlings
Four Specimen
s Unknown
Three Mutants

Two Second Chances

And a Demon with a Glas
s Hand

On the Ninth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me

Nine Architects of Fear

Eight Tourist Attraction
s
Seven Expanding Humans

Six Zanti Misfits

Five Corpus Earthlings
Four Specimens Unknow
n
Three Mutants

Two Second Chances
And a Demon with a Glass Hand

On the Tenth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me

Ten Galaxy Beings

Nine Architects of Fear
Eight Tourist Attractions

Seven Expanding Humans

Six Zanti Misfits

Five Corpus Earthlings

Four Specimens Unknown

Three Mutants

Two Second Chances

And a Demon with a Glass Hand

On the Eleventh Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me

Eleven Children from Spider County

Ten Galaxy Beings

Nine Architects of Fear

Eight Tourist
Attractions
Seven Expanding Humans

Six Zanti Misfits

Five Corpus Earthlings

Four Specimens Unknown

Three Mutan
ts
Two Second Chances

And a Demon with a Glass Hand

On the Twelfth Hour of Christmas

The Outer Limits gave to me

Twelve Feasibi
lity Studies
Eleven Children from Spider County

Ten Ga
laxy Beings
Nine Architects of Fear

Eight Tourist Attractions

Seven Expanding Humans

Six Zanti Misfits

Five Corpus Earthlings

Four Speci
mens Unknown
Three Mutants

Two Second Chances

And a Demon with a Glass Hand


Happy Holidays All.
(Or Bah! Humbug, where applicable.)
And Remember, Some P
resents Shouldn't
Be Opened Until Doomsday.

We now return control of your web browser to you.
... Until Next Christmas.
(And be wary of the Ghosts of Christmas Craptaculars Past.)


Friday, December 18, 2009

Teenage Caveman and The Beach Dickerson Drinking Game!

When watching Roger Corman's prehistoric / post-apocalyptic tale of teen angst railing against the scourge of archaic dogma all wrapped up in a bearskin loincloth and stock-footage lizards, if you look close enough you'll spot the same extra popping up over and over again only to be killed off over and over again. And it was this paradoxical anomaly that inspired Yours Truly to invent The Beach Dickerson Drinking Game. All you need is a stash of your favorite brew, a copy of Teenage Caveman, and a sharp eye and a healthy thirst. Beyond that, the rules are simple. Every time you spot our boy Beach, take a drink. And on the occasions when he dies, drink twice. And on the occasions where he manages to kill himself, finish off whatever's left in your glass / can.

For those of you without a copy of the movie, fear not! For I have provided the home version of The Beach Dickerson Drinking Game for you viewing and drinking pleasure. Now, arm up and lets get snockered together, shall we.


And here, at 3:25 mark, we have our first official sighting. Drink.

Be sure to keep your eyes peeled during the crowd scenes. Drink.

Guess who got to wear the bear suit? Drink.
And guess who doesn't survive the hunt? Drink twice.

Here he is again, hungry for some bear. Drink.

And again. Drink.

And when they cross the forbidden river,
our boy is the last one in. Drink.

And when the shit hits the fan across the
forbidden river,
our boy is the last one out. Drink.

Alas, one misstep leads our boy to his doom. Drink twice.
What? That's it already? I'm not even buzzed yet.

Oh, wait. There he is again. Drink.

And again. Drink.

...And again. Drink.

Who's that man from the Burning Plain? Drink.

And who's that guy in the crowd watching the
man from the Burning Plain? Drink.

And guess whose lethal spear that is?
Yeah. Finish your drink.

Whoops. Check that. He's not quite dead. Drink.

Never mind. Drink twice.

Turns out he's still alive ... Drink ...

... And well ... Drink ...

... And patiently waiting to see what his
director does to him next. Drink.

And as we barrel toward the climax ... Drink ...

... Don't let that wig fool ya ... Drink.

And it only seems appropriate that when the dust settles and The Beast that Gives Death with its Touch is vanquished, our boy Beach is still standing when the movie and our sozzled drinking game comes to an end, even though we're probably not. *hic*

Monday, December 14, 2009

Rehashed Reviews Volume X :: Red Scares, the Horrors of Hydrophobia, and Vincent Price -- Action Hero!


Sorry, folks, with the Holidays fast approaching this'll only be a mini-batch of rehashed reviews. And though the selection be small, there's still plenty of tasty treats to choose from. We've got a couple Albert Zugsmith oddities, one where the Cold War turns Red hot, the other an opium-fueled fever dream. Or, if you dare, you can sample a couple of treats concerning the disciples of the Great Cloven One. Chose wisely, my friends. Your soul and Captain Kirk's are riding on your decision!


Invasion USA :: Long before Chuck Norris had a bazookian stand-off with Richard Lynch, Albert Zugsmith invaded and overran the United States with a horde of rabid Commies, who find easy pickings when most Americans seem to be content to sit in a bar and drink and watch the war on TV.

Confessions of an Opium Eater :: Mercenary for hire Vincent Price finds some big trouble in little Chinatown when he's hired to disrupt a yellow-slavery ring. And by the end of the first bizarre reel, you'll probably be confessing to a few bong hits, too.



Incubus :: It's the Shatner versus the devil in the form of a coven of female succubus. But by the end, we're not sure who is really seducing who with the power of Esperanto. Click on over and check out the Captain's *ahem* log.

I Drink Your Blood :: David Durston's PSA on the horrors of Hippies for Satan and Hydrophobia is about [this] close to being an all time gonzoidal cult classic. How close? This close.


And we'll wrap this update up with two more B-Fest recaps as we run-up to B-Fest 2010, A&O Film's Annual 24-Hour B-Movie Marathon. Check out the Agar, Alice and Airline disasters of B-Fest 2004, and then see how The Apple strikes back at B-Fest 2005!


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