Breaking Down the Aughts :: Ten People, Places and Things I'm Thankful to Have Encountered Over the Last Ten Years.

And here they are, in no particular order.

The Realization of Bubba Ho-Tep ::

This is what happens when one of my favorite icons [The Big E], and one of my favorite actors [Bruce Campbell], and one of my favorite authors [Joe Lansdale] is put into a blender by an alchemist from the House of Coscarelli and turned into pure cinema gold. Hands down, my favorite movie of The Aughts.

Case Closed ::

I'll admit the previews for TNT's The Closer, with the fiddle-dee-dee approach of Kyra Sedgewick's Deputy Chief Brenda Lee Johnson, didn't do much for me. Luckily, I still tuned in and found one of the best ensemble pieces to come down the pike since ... I don't know when. Solid mysteries, solid twists, and a solid lead character is usually enough to hook me, but it's the secondary characters that truly fleshes this out and keeps bringing me back for more -- and I still hold out hopes for a Provenza and Flynn spin-off series.

Pegg, Wright, Frost & Associates ::

Spaced, Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz and counting...

If You're Looking for Me, You Better

Check Under the Sea, Mailbox-Head ::

Of the first wave of Adult Swim cartoons, it was the minimalist absurdity of Captain Murphy, Marco, Sparks, Debbie, Stormy, Hesh, and Dr. Quinn stuck at the bottom of the ocean in Sea Lab 2021 that made me laugh the hardest.

A New Dirty Harry for the C.S.I. Generation ::

I back-door'd into Jeff Lindsey's Dexter Morgan novels after being exposed to a couple episodes of Showtime's fantastic series, Dexter. The first novel was a new and different take on the serial killer, the second not so much, and the third needs to be retconned out of existence as soon as possible before I even think about cracking open the fourth. [... Robo-Doakes? Seriously. Robo-Doakes.] The TV series fared better, though the second season suffered, I think, mightily from the impending writer's strike come to pass. But from what I've heard the 3rd season is back on track, and firmly anchored by Michael C. Hall as the P.D. lab rat by day, avenging serial killer by night, I'm eager to get back into the blood-soaked crime scenes, so to speak.

The Quite Spectacular Spider-Man ::

Not only is this animated adaptation of old web-head nearly note perfect in tone and execution, it also strikes a perfect balance of staying true to the source material and contemporaneity that one can only watch and boggle at the action, drama and intrigue with a huge smile on your face as the [yes it even has an] obnoxious theme song gets stuck in your head. And after you've absorbed the first two seasons of episodes, that split time equally with Peter Parker and his alter-ego, you, like me, won't give a shit about Spider-Man 4 [which had a steep hill to climb after Debacle-Man 3 already] but will be more concerned about the fate of Season 3, which, being a Sony product, is currently up in the air after Marvel's sale to Disney. Regardless, it was awesome to see Gwen Stacey again, alive and well and whose fate, hopefully, isn't cast in bedrock, meaning, also hopefully, the series writers won't throw her under the bus when they get tired of her like their predecessors did.

Welcome to Dog River, Saskatchewan.

Population: Around 500 ::

Maybe its the fact that the title town and province are almost an anagram of Holstein, Nebraska, [Population: Around 100] is why I love this show so much, but even if you're not rural in your roots the hick humor and hayseed buffoonery of small town life as portrayed by the Caknuckle-headed denizens in Corner Gas is pretty damned funny.

The Three Faces of Andy Serkis ::

The British Invasion via BBC America ::

Life on Mars

Wire in the Blood


Messiah


Spaced


Black Books


Dr. Who

Fighting Crime with Ed Brubaker ::

As the decade progressed and my stack of monthly slicks from the old comic shop whittled down to almost nothing as both major companies made some monumentally stupid decisions, decisions equivalent to jamming your car into reverse at 80mph, destroying your transmission, and turning your only means of transportation into a giant paper-weight of grinding gears going nowhere fast as the engine slowly devours itself, there was one author who seemed immune and continued to draw my readership: Ed Brubaker. And from his revamp of Catwoman [with Darwn Cooke], to Gotham Central [with Greg Rucka and Michael Lark], to his incredible run on Captain America [with Steve Epting], where Steve Roger's death was way, way more than a cheap gimmick to boost sales, and the resurection of Bucky Barnes is anything but hackneyed, nobody did it better. And if that wasn't enough, his Criminal series is just as good, and I've just started going through his Daredevil trades and am happy to report everything this guy touches seems to turn to gold.

Happy Holidays! The 4th Annual Christmas Craptacular All Night Movie Marathon (2009)!

There is nothing wrong with your web browser. Do not attempt to reload the page. We are controlling transmission. If we wish to make it lewder, we can suggest a few other sites. If we wish to make it cleaner, sorry, we can't help you. We can reduce your focus to a soft blur, or sharpen it to crystal clarity. We will control the horizontal. We will control the vertical. For the next 12 hours, sit quietly and we will control all that you see and hear. You are about to experience the awe and mystery which reaches from the inner mind to ... The 12 Hours of The Outer Limits.

(With all sincerest apologies to Frederic Austin and Leslie Stevens.)

 

On the First Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

 
A Demon with a Glass Hand.

On the Second Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

 
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.
 

On the Third Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

 
Three Mutants,
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.

 

 
On the Fourth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

Four Specimens Unknown,
Three Mutants,
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.

On the Fifth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

 
Five Corpus Earthlings,
Four Specimens Unknown,
Three Mutants,
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.
 

On the Sixth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

 
Six Zanti Misfits,
Five Corpus Earthlings,
Four Specimens Unknown,
Three Mutants,
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.
 

On the Seventh Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

Seven Expanding Humans,
Six Zanti Misfits,
Five Corpus Earthlings,
Four Specimens Unknown,
Three Mutants,
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.

 

On the Eighth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

 
Eight Tourist Attractions,
Seven Expanding Humans,
Six Zanti Misfits,
Five Corpus Earthlings,
Four Specimens Unknown,
Three Mutants,
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.

 

On the Ninth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

 
Nine Architects of Fear,
Eight Tourist Attractions,
Seven Expanding Humans,
Six Zanti Misfits,
Five Corpus Earthlings,
Four Specimens Unknown,
Three Mutants,
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.

On the Tenth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

 
Ten Galaxy Beings,
Nine Architects of Fear,
Eight Tourist Attractions,
Seven Expanding Humans,
Six Zanti Misfits,
Five Corpus Earthlings,
Four Specimens Unknown,
Three Mutants,
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.

 

On the Eleventh Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

 
Eleven Children from Spider County,
Ten Galaxy Beings,
Nine Architects of Fear,
Eight Tourist Attractions,
Seven Expanding Humans,
Six Zanti Misfits,
Five Corpus Earthlings,
Four Specimens Unknown,
Three Mutants,
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.

On the Twelfth Hour of Christmas
The Outer Limits gave to me:

 
Twelve Feasibility Studies,
Eleven Children from Spider County,
Ten Galaxy Beings,
Nine Architects of Fear,
Eight Tourist Attractions,
Seven Expanding Humans,
Six Zanti Misfits,
Five Corpus Earthlings,
Four Specimens Unknown,
Three Mutants,
Two Second Chances,
And a Demon with a Glass Hand.

Happy Holidays One and All.Or Bah! Humbug, where applicable. And Remember, Some Presents Shouldn't Be Opened Until Doomsday. We now return control of your web browser to you ... Until next Christmas.

 

Sounds of the Season :: The Ventures : Sleigh Ride

Teenage Caveman and The Beach Dickerson Drinking Game!

When watching Roger Corman's prehistoric / post-apocalyptic tale of teen angst railing against the scourge of archaic dogma all wrapped up in a bearskin loincloth and stock-footage lizards, if you look close enough you'll spot the same extra popping up over and over again only to be killed off over and over again. And it was this paradoxical anomaly that inspired Yours Truly to invent The Beach Dickerson Drinking Game. All you need is a stash of your favorite brew, a copy of Teenage Caveman, and a sharp eye and a healthy thirst. Beyond that, the rules are simple. Every time you spot our boy Beach, take a drink. And on the occasions when he dies, drink twice. And on the occasions where he manages to kill himself, finish off whatever's left in your glass / can.

For those of you without a copy of the movie, fear not! For I have provided the home version of The Beach Dickerson Drinking Game for you viewing and drinking pleasure. Now, arm up and lets get snockered together, shall we.

And here, at 3:25 mark, we have our first official sighting. Drink.

Be sure to keep your eyes peeled during the crowd scenes. Drink.

Guess who got to wear the bear suit? Drink.
And guess who doesn't survive the hunt? Drink twice.

Here he is again, hungry for some bear. Drink.

And again. Drink.

And when they cross the forbidden river,
our boy is the last one in. Drink.

And when the shit hits the fan across the
forbidden river, our boy is the last one out. Drink.

Alas, one misstep leads our boy to his doom. Drink twice.
What? That's it already? I'm not even buzzed yet.

Oh, wait. There he is again. Drink.

And again. Drink.

...And again. Drink.

Who's that man from the Burning Plain? Drink.

And who's that guy in the crowd watching the
man from the Burning Plain? Drink.

And guess whose lethal spear that is?
Yeah. Finish your drink.

Whoops. Check that. He's not quite dead. Drink.

Never mind. Drink twice.

Turns out he's still alive ... Drink ...

... And well ... Drink ...

... And patiently waiting to see what his
director does to him next. Drink.

And as we barrel toward the climax ... Drink ...

... Don't let that wig fool ya ... Drink.

And it only seems appropriate that when the dust settles and The Beast that Gives Death with its Touch is vanquished, our boy Beach is still standing when the movie and our sozzled drinking game comes to an end, even though we're probably not. *hic*