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"Kiss your what?!?"
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Bored with their asexual lifestyle, the elders of the all male planet Buttless decide to send an emissary to the planet Earth so he can investigate the indigenous creatures known as the female. And so, the emissary in question, a hapless boob by the name of Sterilox (Coe -- doing a passable Stan Laurel impersonation), is teleported into the secret lair of Dr. Breedlove (Gardens -- doing a bizarre mash-up of Bela Lugosi, Peter Lorre and Peter Sellers' errant right hand), a man of maniacal mad science, who majored in aphrodisiacs, apparently. Anyways, Breedlove does his best to educate his dense alien friend on the fine art of the female form by giving him a tour of his mansion, each room filled to overflowing with the target in question. Zingers fly, and brassieres disappear. Followed by more stripping, dancing, and a lotta ogling, punctuated by visits from Dracula, the Mummy, and an extended cameo by Frankenstein's Monster; thus proving once again, some movies can actually be as insane as they sound.
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"In an era when almost anything sexual could be considered obscene it was the logical outgrowth of both the burlesque film and the nudist camp movies of the 1950's. The result was a sex film without any sex. They were called Nudie-Cuties and they were undoubtedly the stupidest films on the face of the earth."-- Frank Henenlotterxxxx_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
Here it is, the film on which sexploitation pioneer Harry Novak's Box Office International empire was built. And while I do agree with Mr. Henenlotter that most Nudie-Cuties are pretty dumb and awfully tedious to sit through that is so not the case with Kiss Me Quick. This thing is so weird and so demented and so ... boggling of mind that I kept cracking up through the whole thing. Of course, all that beautiful eye-candy to gawk at doesn't hurt this slapdash production; and it doesn't hurt to have Lazlo Kovacs (who was also shooting for Ray Dennis Steckler at the time) behind the camera, whose set-ups and angles aren't shy at all and gets you up close and personal with all the curves and contours of Breedlove's beauties. And how in the hell did Novak get that Monster past Universal's rabid trademark lawyers is one of cinema's greatest mysteries. Also, good luck in getting those rocking Nudie Watusi riffs out of your head once the film ends (provided by The Gallstones -- most likely the house-band of the Gayety, co-producer Gardens' very own L.A. burlesque theater). Add it all up and you've got something that is a lot more silly than sleazy but most folks will probably just find it irredeemably stupid. Not me, though. And if you have to see one Nudie-Cutie to make your life complete, then Kiss Me Quick is just what the doctor ordered.
Kiss Me Quick (1964) Fantasy Films-Box Office International / P: Harry Novak, Max Gardens / D: Peter Perry Jr. / W: Peter Perry Jr. / C: Laszlo Kovacs / S: Max Gardens, Frank A. Coe, Natasha, Jackie De Witt, Claudia Banks
2 comments:
That one blond about 7 pictures down cracks me up every time I see her. I love her game face.
She's my fave, too. Also love her in the bonus bit, The Nudie Watusi, where she dances to the same riff for, like, an hour. SWV absolutely outdid themselves on that DVD.
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