An Open Letter to Joss Whedon in Regards to The Avengers (2012)

First and foremost. Loved the movie. Saw it 13 times in the theater. Nine times on purpose, four other times I had expressly gone to the theater to see other movies but, upon arrival, said, screw it, I wanna see your movie again. (Sorry, Prometheus. Sorry, The Amazing Spider-Man.) I even finally upgraded to a BluRay player, mostly so I could get my hands on the expanded The Avengers home version package.

So, yes, I loved your movie, now having officially lost count of the times I've sat through it. The last just as enjoyable as the first, mind you. Sure, upon the umpteenth viewing I decided there were a couple things I might've changed or done different; piddling things, mind you. All except one, that would have made an awesome movie even more so.

Imagine, if you will, during the climactic battle between our ragtag band of heroes and those Loki led, alien invading scum. Cut to the scene where Thor and Captain America are fighting back to back against a shitload of Chitari ground troops. Now imagine during this melee, Thor takes the brunt of a salvo of lasers from one of those giant Mechano-Space-Whales. A blast so brutal he drops his hammer. And then, in almost a completely throwaway moment you are so famous for, the Hulk jumps in to distract the Mechano-Whale, Thor crawls out of the blast crater, with a helping hand from Cap. With the other hand, while Thor steadies himself and shakes off the blast, Cap picks up the discarded Mjolnir, hands it back to him, and then charges into a knot of aliens.

Now, Cap has no idea what he's just done. But Thor does. And the audience does, too. He then gives one of those patented, Hemsworth shit-eating grins, and rejoins the fight ... See! Awesome, and then some. And feel free to use this scenario in any form in Avengers 2 or Avengers 3.

Rehashed Reviews :: Saturday Morning Flashbacks!

New Adventures of Flash Gordon.

As much as I love the old Buster Crabbe serials and Dino De Laurentiis’ gloriously moronic and maniacal feature film, I'll have to say my absolute favorite interpretation of Alex Raymond’s ray-gun blasting, rocket-jockey was Filmation Studios' wonderfully animated adaptation from the late 1970's...

Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends.

Unknown to Aunt May and the rest of the world, her tenants are bona fide superheroes. See, Peter is really Spider-Man, Bobby is the snow-balling mutant Iceman, and Angelica is the flame-wielding Firestar. Together, whenever trouble of a super-villain variety pops up, they costume up, power up, and take care of business...

Pryde of the X-Men.

When told she is a mutant, Kitty confides her "gift" is a curse, but Professor Xavier thinks differently. She then gets his sales pitch about the band of do-gooders he’s assembled: the X-Men, who right wrongs and fight for mutant tolerance and acceptance...

Captain America.

This version of Captain America is a wonderful time capsule of Marvel's early days, and has a nice retro-vibe going for it. And when it premiered on the syndicated Marvel Super-Heroes Show back in 1966, the segment opened with yet another whiz-banger of a theme song...

The Sub-Mariner.

The Sub-Mariner was one of Marvel Comic's flagship characters. He fought alongside Captain America and the first Human Torch against the Nazis and Japs in World War II. He also successfully made the transition to the newer continuity where he alternated almost weekly from being a hero or a villain, making old Namor an odd choice for animation. But there it is and here we are...

Recommendations :: Captain America: Turn on the Lights.

Back in the mid-1980's, when this ad first appeared, I thought this was, perhaps, the stupidest idea in the history of stupid ideas, and thus, was not really all that surprised when the production never went any further, really, than that ad. And with all the horror stories, runaway hubris, and mounting stupidity of The Thing that Would Not Die Before it Actually Kills Someone (a/k/a Spider-Man: Turn Off the Dark) only reinforced that notion that super-heroes and musicals do not and should not mix -- until I caught Joe Johnston's Captain America last night.


I never in a million years would have predicted that this movie, post-transformation, would spend a ten to fifteen minute interval focusing on a hilarious barnstorming musical revue/bond drive where Cap spent the day punching Hitler in the face in front of a chorus line of high-kicking Busby Berkeley beauties to a hideously infectious diddy about the Star-Spangled Man with the Plan (written by Alan Menken) that has me shaking my head, and smiling like a blissed-out idiot, to head back to the chalkboard to rethink things for awhile on this whole super-hero musical thing. Just one of the many reasons that make Captain America a total blast and the most fun I've had at the movies in a long, long time.

Old Soldiers Never Die...

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

"But at this time, sources have confirmed that Captain
America was pronounced dead on arrival at Mercy Hospital."
___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Well, unless you've been living under a very large rock for the past week or so, you probably didn't miss the news screeds trumpeting the death of Captain America. The Talking Heads and 24-Hour Tubers had a field day: the Right called it treasonous, the Left called the kettle black, while scalpers salivated and skeptical fans were left scratching their collective heads wondering "What the hell is up with this?"

So, is Cap really dead?

This ain't my first rodeo. If there is one thing constant in comic books it is the non-consistency of one's own mortality. Hell, even Cap's old partner, Bucky Barnes, isn't as dead as we once thought. Yeah, that Bucky; as in "In the Marvel Universe only Uncle Ben Parker and Bucky stay dead forever."

So how did Cap die? Sorry ... don't have a clue. As a loyal reader of the title for a good twenty years now (-- and I really really hate the fact that I can now quantify things in my life in terms of two decades -- and teetering on THREE...), a check of all the retailers (what few there are) in a 200 mile radius found nary a copy available. Not surprising since it made such a national splurge -- though I am thankful that at least Marvel isn't trumpeting six different variants of the same issue; bagged and foil stamped, with a holographic cover. Yet.

Guess I'll have to wait for the trade.

Now, the skeptic in me is shaking his head, thinking "okay" this is probably a publicity stunt for the whole Civil War shenanigans playing out in Marvel right now. And it was probably a LMD (Life Model Decoy) that took the shots, or a Skrull, or somewhere, the Red Skull is holding the reality warping Cosmic Cube in his hand and giggling like a little liebchen right about now. Or, maybe this is some kind of reboot or retcon to coincide with a possible upcoming movie. I mean, Quesada reboots the old MU every other month, right? Or perhaps this is a result of the long litigation between Cap creator Joe Simon and Marvel over copyright issues. Could Marvel lose this character all together? (Eep. I thought that was settled?) I hope not; the MU without Cap is like bread without butter. Old web-head and the X-franchises maybe the framework for the House of Ideas, but Cap is the bedrock on which that structure is founded.

So, I'm gonna take a wait and see attitude here. Why? Because I honestly trust Ed Brubaker, who penned this scenario, and am curious to see how this plays out. I've been a fan of his since the long, lost, and lamented Gotham Central, and his current run on Captain America has been nothing short of fantastic, giving Steve Rogers something that you usually don't associate with his alter ego beyond the red, white and blue -- real depth. (Cap's even getting some nookie -- a lot of nookie.) Honestly, I think Brubaker's capable of something more profound than my suspicions. I don't think this monumental passing was meant for the people who would only buy this one issue, but for those of us who've bought the last ten or twenty (or two hundred) and, probably -- hopefully, the next ten (or twenty or two hundred). Let's hope I'm right.

I will be honest, here, though. Cap is the last Marvel title that I read on a monthly basis. (I stopped reading the X-Titles around The Age of Apocalypse; the Spiderman titles around the Clone saga; and everything else when the whatever titles' momentum was derailed to be shoehorned into whatever company wide crossover loomed.) That's right: I, a born and bred Marvel fanatic, have been reduced to this. But it's not just Marvel. As a whole, I don't like the direction either of the Big Two are taking right now. I haven't followed Civil War at all, and almost a year later the whole One Year Later program over at DC can be best described as a colossal misfire. (I was reading seven or eight titles over there, and now I'm down to two and fading fast.)

I know ... I know ... you can't please everybody. I'm an old school whiner, right? Sure. Absolutely. I'm also part of rapidly dwindling market share. My last trip to the comic shop found me walking out with only two new slicks and six Runaways digests (which, for the record, was like a breath of fresh air in the world of hero-dom. Damn fine book, that.) That's what I've been reduced to. Trades. And you know what? I'm cool with that. I can live with digging into the Essentials and Archives. It's someone else's Universe now, let 'em run, I say. And I wish them luck.

But! I will say this: have the balls to stick with it. And if this new Universe or direction doesn't work out and flounders and we retcon back to square one, just don't expect me to come back anymore. I don't think that is the plan with Cap. I hope not. I have no doubt that he will be back (-- and something inside me believes it might be awhile, like maybe a year and half). As to how, we'll have to wait and see. And depending on how, will determine whether I stick around or not.