Happy 100th Birthday to the Maestro of the Macabre!

Mario Bava

July 31, 1914 - July 31, 2014
(1914-1980)

To celebrate, whether you've already seen it or not, why don't you give this one a spin as soon as possible. (I, for one, think its his masterpiece.) You're in for a real treat. No trick. Honest. 

Video courtesy of Yours Truly.

Blood and Black Lace (1964) Emmepi Cinematografica :: Les Productions Georges de Beauregard :: Monachia Film :: Allied Artists / P: Alfredo Mirabile, Massimo Patrizi / D: Mario Bava / W: Marcello Fondato / C: Ubaldo Terzano / E: Mario Serandrei / M: Carlo Rustichelli / S: Cameron Mitchell, Eva Bartok, Thomas Reiner, Ariana Gorini, Mary Arden, Luciano Pigozzi

Netflix'd :: Clearing Out the Instant Que :: SPOILERS AHOY! :: Gonna Let You in On a Little Secret About Pascal Laugier's The Tall Man (2012)

When the children of a backwater burgh named Cold Rock start disappearing without a trace, as the police investigation goes nowhere fast (and then drags on indefinitely), the locals begin to mythologize the sightings of a mysterious Tall Man, dressed in black, who is seen in fleetingly brief glimpses before each abduction. Times are tough enough in Cold Rock, what with the mine closed, folks out of work, and now, between swigs of beer and statutory raping, these poor and destitute bastards face the loss of their loved ones (-- or judging by the film's keen, part of their welfare stipends) with no answers as to who, what, where, when and why. The film proper picks up when the son of a crusading nurse at the local health clinic (Biel) is the next to disappear; only this time she seemingly catches the Tall Man in the act, gives chase, and desperately tries to get her boy back with much ferocity, sustained grievous bodily harm, and conspiracy unraveling. Seemingly? Conspiracy, you say? Ah, yes, things aren't exactly what they seem to be as we find out what's really been happening to the children of Cold Rock -- and who's really and truly responsible for all of this malfeasance.

Okay, folks, gonna break one of my cardinal reviewing vows, here. For anyone considering watching The Tall Man read these next few sentences very carefully: Jessica Biel's character is really the bad guy, her husband isn't dead and in on it all (our Tall Man, ladies and gents), and so the missing children aren't the victims of some hideous molester, cult, or ancient demon from the woods. Nope. They've been kidnapped from these unworthy hayseeds, crackers, and rednecks and taken to the big city to be adopted by some worthy rich and cultured folks -- not for money, nay, that would be an insult, but for the "greater good." Of course, then, the movie paints these kidnappers as crusading heroes, doing it for the children, because, and I quote "the system is broken", making a noble sacrifice when their own system of systematic abductions and relocation finally implodes and 1/2 the team is sent to prison as a faux serial killer, telling the now completely devastated parents their children are dead, fracturing and punishing them even further, including the real mother of the boy we thought was Biel's, who tried and failed to get him back (constituting a good chunk of the movie) thanks to our "hero". There, I spoiled it all and now you don't have to sit through this thoroughly misguided and mawkishly self-righteous piece of -- dammit. I can't do it. (Just because you don't like something doesn't make it a piece of shit. It just means you didn't like it. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.)

Director Pascal Laugier has been tagged as a provocateur and judging by my reaction to The Tall Man, sure, why not. Why take a side on an issue when I can play both sides against one another and piss everyone off instead? I mean, If I went to the grocery store, dropped trou', took a dump into my hand, and showed the end-result of all the food they're gonna buy to passing customers that'd make me a provocateur, too, right? What?! It was for the greater good. Feh. And what's really frustrating about The Tall Man is that for the first hour or so I was really digging the hell out of it, had no idea where it was going or how it would end, and was ready to call it a surprising and unsuspected gem, with a good twist, set up beautifully, and didn't cheat, that was striving and succeeding at being different by knocking normal expectations right on its ass. The film is technically sound, and quite brilliant in a few spots. Biel is really, really good in this, too. As is McHattie, who plays the hapless Fed duped by her duplicity. Dammit. I was ready to light a candle and shine the light. But then the last half hour turned it into a big steaming pile of (yes) shit with the revelation of the Underground Cracker Railroad, the critical misfire of making a martyr out of our now silent child abductor (-- and I hope there's a deleted scene on the DVD where her fellow inmates beat the crap out of her sanctimonious "baby-killing" ass), and the excessive use of the giant Clown Hammer of Morality in the final "three mothers" speech, which tried so hard to pound some profundity into our heads but failed most epically to justify anything and raised a few knots of ire instead.

And as the end credits rolled, and I resisted flinging the remote at the TV screen, the one thought that kept bouncing around amongst all the crap I had just witnessed was a notion that perhaps instead of kidnapping -- oop, nope, sorry, liberating trailer trash offspring, or even inner-city slum kids (as all the victims here are relatively clean, healthy and awfully, awfully white), our turgid kidnapping team of assholes would do an even more greater good by kidnapping and relocating the Joan Bennet Ramseys, Dylan Klebolds, Eric Harrises, Jordan Vandersloots and Adam Lanzas of the world. What say you, Mr. Laugier? Provocative enough?

The Tall Man (2012) Cold Rock Productions BC :: Forecast Pictures :: Iron Ocean Films :: Minds Eye Entertainment :: Radar Films :: SND / Image Entertainment / P: A lot of people / D: Pascal Laugier / W: Pascal Laugier / C: Kamal Derkaoui / E: Sébastien Prangère / M: Todd Bryanton / S: Jessica Biel, Stephen McHattie Jodelle Ferland, William B. Davis, Samantha Ferris, Colleen Wheeler

The Glenda Farrell Project :: Take 1 :: It'll Take More than That to Stop Torchy Blane!

Here, our latest cinematic obsession grabs a cab after another grump-off with her long time beau over who will solve the latest murder mystery first, the reporter (she) or the cop (he), before anymore bodies meet a gruesome demise courtesy of a ruthless Chinese tong out to knock-off a trio of jade-poachers, and anyone who gets in there way -- like, say, a nosy, motor-mouthed reporter -- who leave each intended victim a secreted message on when and where they will die...

"Baby, am I..."

And they would've gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for that meddling reporter and her navy submarine!

One of the things I am most thankful for from 2012 is getting a crash course on the life and times and film career of Glenda Farrell. And the more I dig, the more I love. And so, to share that love, we're kicking off The Glenda Farrell Project for 2013 and beyond, as I will do everything in my power to share my Glenda love in the usual, obsessive compulsive fashion in all matters and means and ways. Stay tuned!

Movie Poster Spotlight :: *blam*blam*blam* This is Edgar Wallace Posting a Set of German Lobby Cards for The College Girl Murders (1967)

 

 

And while we're here, here's a gorgeous Italian locandina:

I have been on a voraciously huge krimi kick lately. For those of you unfamiliar with the term, krimi refers to certain breed of German film based on the mysteries of Edgar Wallace that started appearing in the late 1950's, whose influence on the Italian gialli cannot be underestimated. So, yeah, you've got a German made film, with a German cast, set in England, with serpentine plots that straddle the line between WTF?! and No, really, WTF!?!?!, villains that are straight out of the old serials, who constantly do battle with Scotland Yard, are brutally violent, with staggering body counts, that just got goofier and goofier as the genre progressed until it finally burnt out around 1972. And when I say goofier, I mean more awesome. Where else you gonna see a killer dressed in a gorilla suit escape the police by jumping into the Thames and use an underwater jet-ski to return to his secret lair? 

Don't take my word for it, folks, for, if you are able to stream films through Amazon Prime, the vast majority of the Rialto series is currently available to buy or rent online, or available made to order through Sinister Cinema if you prefer something solid. (Just head to Amazon and do an Edgar Wallace search in Movies&TV.) I've been burning through them like a mad-man needing to bump off all the rightful heirs to the family fortune by chopping all their heads off and start a white slavery ring; and it all started when I dug the College Girl Murders out of a used DVD bin at a local retailer about a month ago and I haven't been the same since.

The College Girl Murders a/k/a Der Mönch mit der Peitsche (1967) Rialto Film :: Constantin Film / P: Horst Wendlandt / D: Alfred Vohrer / W: Herbert Reinecker, Edgar Wallace (novel) / C: Karl Löb / E: Jutta Hering / M: Martin Böttcher / S: Joachim Fuchsberger, Uschi Glas, Grit Boettcher, Siegfried Schürenberg, Tilly Lauenstein

Recommendations :: What I've Been Watching. And So Should You (or Not.)

  

By no means great, but, when considering it's lackluster reputation, even among William Castle's fans, Macabre wasn't nearly as bad as I'd anticipated. In fact, I found it to be pretty good. (Who knew Jim Backus had that kind of a heavy in him?) A bit clumsy, structurally, sure (--there might have been a flashback inside a flashback), and though this tale of kidnapping and buried secrets threatens to derail itself, the ending twist works and those closing credits are simply ADOREABLE! Recommendation: You'll never get to cash in your Fright Insurance policy, but still worth a look.

So. Finally saw the 7 Faces of Dr. Lao, where a small town with a lot of skeletons takes a spin on the Wheel of Morality. But this morass of maudlin is lost in a metric ton of George Pal silliness. But you probably won't care as Tony Randall runs completely amok through all those characters; and watch and boggle as uptight school marm Barbara Eden gets the -- *ahem* vapors after hearing the siren call of the decadent goat-man. Recommendation: How it took me so long to watch a movie where cowboys fight the Loch Ness Monster is beyond me.

Though it isn't much of a mystery due to a limited amount of suspects (--- who keep getting bumped off), and hamstrung by a reliance on hypnotic hookum to explain away a few plot-holes and make the bad guy's nefarious scheme work, Dr. Morelle: The Case of the Missing Heiress works thanks to the efforts of Valentine Dyall as our pompous sleuth and (most credit to) Julia Lang as his danger-prone assistant; the inappropriately named Ms. Frayle (c'mon, really?), who does most of the heavy lifting until our "hero" swoops in, saves the day, and gets all the credit. Recommendation: A bit slow and stodgy, but I would love to have seen more adventures with this crackling, crime-solving duo.

Gorgeous set designs, arresting cinematography, and a completely whackadoodle script should equal a demented good time in my book but it's easy to see why Tomb of Torture (a/k/a Metempsyco) was director Antonio Boccaci's only film  because he executed all those elements so incompetently. And while I was kind of mesmerized by the mounting stoopidity and inherent eh, why-the-hell-not-ness of the proceedings, odds are you probably won't. Recommendation: Skip it.

Interesting social experiment disguised as an ersatz slasher movie where a deranged killer traps three people in a remote ATM kiosk. But instead of attacking, the killer just kind of pokes and prods and lets the "rats" trapped in a maze of his own design devour each other. But, in the end, this scott free modus operandi of ATM doesn't hold water if one thinks about that fire-hose a little too long. Recommendation: New twist but nothing you probably haven't seen before.