YouTube Finds :: By Our Command :: The Story of the Cylons (from the Vintage Battlestar Galactica Series).

From what I can piece together, this is the only original footage from a TV movie which cobbled together several episodes of the vintage Battlestar Galactica series into a feature-length, syndicated time slot-filler, including parts from Saga of a Star World, The Magnificent Warriors, Fire in Space, and Experiment in Terra but the vast majority of it came from The Return of Starbuck episode -- a truly desperate Hail Mary courtesy of the truly odious sequel series, Galactica 1980 before it officially rolled over and died. I had never seen this footage before, finally explaining the origin of the Cylon Empire, stumbling upon it on the Tube of You, found it to be super-cool, and decided to share it with you all, Boils and Ghouls. 

   

Video courtesy of Daniel Patrick. 

From Encyclopedia Galactica: “The original Cylons were technologically advanced reptilian race from a far corner of the Galaxy. As they died out many millennia ago, little is known of their society. They must have been warlike and imperialistic since at the time of their extinction they had already conquered hundreds of other worlds. The key to the success of the early Cylon’s conquests was their development, first of sophisticated robots, and then fully intelligent androids. These machines were built to withstand enormous stress, to have great strength and powerful computational capacity. Armies of them swept through sector after sector of the Galaxy. But ultimately, the machines became the superiors of their creators and the Cylons themselves were destroyed by their own machines.

 “The Cylon androids, reptilian in form like their masters, continued the mission of destruction to which they had been assigned. Machines that they were, they swept through the Galaxy even more ruthlessly than their masters. The directives of their programming crystallized into a single Edict of Extermination, that called for the destruction of all intelligent life forms in the Galaxy.

“The Cylons have occasionally combined forces with beings like the Ovions, but few creatures are more useful to the Cylons alive than dead. Therefore, the number of members of the Cylon Alliance is likely to remain small. Cylons have no concept of friendship or loyalty, and are programmed to exterminate their living allies at the earliest convenient date.

“Modern Cylons are basically human form. The most common type is the Centurion, a heavily armored soldier capable of operating a Raider and piloting a Baseship or Dreadnaught, and also adaptable to planetary invasion and extermination. They are not of high intelligence, but can be cheaply mass-produced. A common Cylon strategy, therefore, is to overwhelm the enemy with large numbers of Centurions, many of whom will be destroyed, leaving a sufficient number of survivors to carry the day. The most advanced Cylons are from the I-L Series. Both Lucifer, aide to Commander Baltar, and the Imperious Leaders itself are of this type. I-L series Cylons have acute reasoning abilities, and can directly monitor electronic telemetry from up to 50 sources simultaneously. Much more than simple automatons, the I-Ls at times exhibit humanlike drives for power. Human cylonologists speculate that this ambition response was deliberately programmed into the I-Ls to insure prompt replacement of incompetent leadership.

“The first human-Cylon contact occurred in 5547, when combined human forces came to the defense of their amphibious allies, the Hasaris. The humans were unprepared for the massive Cylon offensive, and their fleet was soon forced back to the other defense perimeters of their own Colonies. This was the beginning of the thousand yahren Great Cylon War.

“The humans proved to be the most formidable foes the Cylons had ever faced. Lacking the imagination to respond to human advances creatively, the Cylons adapted in the only way they could: by imitation. Their Centurions were designed to resemble humans more and more, and their weapons were redesigned accordingly. Human weapon advances were quickly met by Cylon copies, so that the war remained a stalemate for hundreds of yahren. The Colonial Unification Movement and the military genius of of Commander Cain had pushed the Cylons to the breaking point when the treachery of Baltar led to the near final destruction of humanity.” 

Shamless Plug :: Boob Tube'n at the Morgue.

Just a friendly, shameless plug that we're wrapping up our month long Boob Tube tribute over at our sister site, Scenes from the Morgue. TV shows you remember. Shows you've forgot. Shows you've probably never even heard of are all just one click away. So click already!

One in 50 Million :: That's My Boy?? or My Contribution to The Dick Van Dyke Show Blogathon!

When you consider his exhaustive (and exhausting) comedic credits both in front of and behind the camera, I'm not really going out on much of a limb when I declare that Carl Reiner is, was and ever shall be one of the funniest people on the face of the planet. He could be the merry jester, sure, but where he really left his mark was as a straight-man / sounding board, who rode herd on many a stampeding funny-man and woman, letting them run as fast as they could, seemingly out of control, but always reined them in just enough to steer them toward the big payoff. Be it for Sid Caesar or Mel Brooks, Reiner, I think, is kinda under-appreciated as a straight-man -- as most straight-men are. And off-shooting from that Reiner also perfected the long suffering every-man, caught in the eye of a hurricane of chaos and hilarity that would often overtake him and then spit him out, leaving him frayed, flabbergasted and flummoxed in its wake, much to the audiences' delight.

__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __

"You have to imagine yourself as not somebody very special but somebody very ordinary. If you imagine yourself as somebody really normal and if it makes you laugh, it's going to make everybody laugh. If you think of yourself as something very special, you'll end up a pedant and a bore. If you start thinking about what's funny, you won't be funny, actually. It's like walking. How do you walk? If you start thinking about it, you'll trip."

-- Carl Reiner xxx

__ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __ __

Taking those notions and combining them with the comedic potential found in the deceptive mundane-ness of everyday life, mostly his own, Reiner wrote and starred in a familiar sounding TV pilot called Head of the Family (1959), about a head-writer for variety show, his kooky co-workers, and the trials and tribulations of family life with his long suffering wife and recalcitrant son. The pilot didn't sell but Reiner didn't give up on it. And with a little re-tooling and a massive cast overhaul, Head of the Family became...

And though Van Dyke brought a lot to the table, that's still Carl Reiner's life being channeled through him into Robert Petrie. Combining their comic sensibilities (Van Dyke's physicality and Reiner's impeccable timing), along with a pitch-perfect supporting cast, the results, as they say, speak for themselves as their sit-com has never been topped in the last fifty years as far as I'm concerned. It's definitely the best (though not my favorite -- for that we'll have to head to Fort Courage sometime...), the formula worked and it seldom strayed. It didn't need to.


That's My Boy?? is fairly typical episode: meaning, hilarious. And like any good joke or skit, it starts slow and then gains momentum with plenty of gags along the way, each laugh louder and longer than the last, as circumstances keep feeding the main thread, building more and more momentum, escalating exponentially with each earned laugh, until the ultimate payoff.


Like I said before, the episode starts slow with another Petrie house party winding down. Apparently, Rob's long suffering producer, Mel Cooley (Richard Deacon), is bacheloring it for a few days since his wife is out of town, visiting his sister-in-law who just welcomed home a new baby girl. The conversation about who the baby resembles the most brings chuckles from Rob's wife, Laura (Mary Tyler Moore), and the other guests, neighbors Millie and Jerry Helper (Ann Morgan Guilbert and Jerry Paris, who also directed this episode -- in fact, Paris directed precisely half of all TDVDS episodes), and an embarrassed sigh from Rob. Seems that when the Petries brought their own son home from the hospital, things went a little awry...



With the set-up now safely tucked away, we hit the ground running. And things are already highly chaotic as an exhausted and overwhelmed (and, therefore, not thinking straight) Rob, with an assist from Jerry, gather up Laura, the baby, and all the gifts to take home.


Here, the first seeds of the main thread are planted, when the harried nurse confuses the Petries in room 203 with the Peters in room 208. Luckily, Laura realizes the error and the right valuables are returned to her before the laden Rob and the burdened Jerry, after one last check, declaring they haven't forgotten anything, quickly vacate the premises...

"Oh, Raaaaaahhhhhhbbbbb."

Once home, things continue to unravel for poor Rob, who is highly confused by the new presence in his house (-- or, as my brother likes to refer to them, a "poop grenade" --) and is on the verge of cracking up due to the overwhelming pressure and responsibility of fatherhood that is no longer a notion but a stark reality. And for the free-swinging Petries, that's gonna be quite an adjustment. I mean, look at how hard they party post-Ritchie? Can you imagine what kind of nightlife they had before? Woot. Woot. Anyways...



When he can't get anyone to admit or agree that the baby doesn't look anything like either him or Laura (-- funny, he did yesterday, but they do all agree he looks just like the bald and pudgy cab driver who brought them home), Rob begins to fear the worst.




The worst being a hospital mix-up has sent the wrong baby home with them!


More fuel is added to this stoking fire when the new parents discover some of the flowers they brought home belonged to the Peters in room 208. (Remember them? And do we all see where this is going on? You bet. Now hang on ...) Laura doesn't help Rob's growing paranoia when she admits that kind of thing happened during her whole stay in the hospital, and how easily it would be to confuse Petrie with Peters and room 203 with 208. It's a simple mistake to Laura, but simply terrifying to our boy, Rob. But before the matter can be explored any further, the couple is interrupted by the noisy arrival of Rob's co-workers, Buddy and Sally (Morey Amsterdam and Rose Marie)...



... Who only reinforce Rob's mixed-up notions when Buddy confirms the baby looks nothing like Rob. Sure, Buddy's cunning observation is based on the current height differential between father and son, but, between you and me, I don't think Rob is listening anymore.


And that's why later, after Laura has gone to bed, Rob, convinced he has the wrong baby, enlists Jerry's help to prove it beyond a reasonable doubt. Thus, the only reasonable thing to do is to check the baby's footprint against the one in the hospital records. And that's just what our two amateur sleuths do. Once the ink is slathered on and the footprint is taken, with the mysterious sixth toe quickly explained away as Rob's errant thumbprint, after careful examination, Jerry declares that both footprints match.


All well and good, but, upon closer examination, the records they're matching against belong to the Peters' baby! Meaning the hospital made another, slight error with the paperwork, like with Laura's valuables, or, adding it all up, they committed a really, really big baby-sized blunder.


That's tears it for Rob, who, despite Jerry's protests, heads to the phone to call the Peters with the bad news and every intention to set up a baby-swap to set right what the incompetent hospital got wrong. But the Peters beat him to the call. Seems the mix-up worked both ways and they have some gifts belonging to the Petries that they'd like to return. To this, Rob declares it was more than flowers and candy that got mixed up at the hospital and agrees to the let the incredulous caller come over to discuss the matter further. So, with the Peters on the way, Rob must break the bad news to Laura before they get there...


And I'm sure we can all agree on how well that will go...



Of course, she doesn't believe him and sides with Dr. Spock, chapter and verse, but Rob will not be swayed and is totally convinced that the little person in the cradle is most definitely not their son.


And with all that mounting circumstantial evidence to back him up, the audience can probably empathize with the unhinged father, a lot, who only wants to set things right no matter how wrong-headed his intentions be, right?


Thus, with all that build up, convinced that they have the Peters' baby and vice versa, with that central joke now a runaway train, barreling into the station, the engineer gone mad, with the brakes failing and the wheels coming off, we reach the denouement with the sudden peel of the doorbell.



And what happens next, well, lets just let the pictures and the ultimate punchline speak for themselves...

"Hi. We're the Peters."

Now, That's My Boy? isn't my favorite episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show, p'rolly not even in my top ten, but that moment, the big payoff, was the hardest I ever laughed at any of them -- it was so funny, Greg Morris (Mr. Peters) couldn't keep a straight face. And the laughs didn't stop there, as the episode winds down with a few more barbs at poor Rob's expense. (Why couldn't you tell me over the phone, says Rob. And miss the look on your face, answers Peters.) And that is what made The Dick Van Dyke Show so special. It could take almost any situation like a simple mix-up, innocent, even innocuous, amp it up to ludicrous speed, and spin pure comedy gold out of it.


And with master alchemist Reiner behind it all, that should come as a surprise to absolutely no one.


This post is my contribution to The Dick Van Dyke Show blogathon, originating over at Ivan's truly magnificent Thrilling Days of Yesteryear. Now, I know I also promised to take a look at another classic (but aren't they all) episode, The Ghost of A. Chantz. And I have every intention of doing just that, since it's October and Halloween is rapidly approaching. So, as they say in the TV biz, Stay Tuned. And until then, follow the handy link above, without tripping over the ottoman, if you please, and check out the other fantastic entries.