I Rec 'Em, You Wreck 'Em! Or, What I've Been Watching and You Should or Should Not, Too, to Varying Degrees of Yes or No or Maybe.

A solid and quirky actioneer, Sweet Revenge (1976) follows the life of a professional car thief (Stockard Channing), whose endgame is to steal, scam, and sell off enough cars to make the scratch for the legitimate purchase of an Italian muscle car. Along the way, she deals with the three men in her orbit -- an ex-boyfriend who still leeches off her (Richard Daughty), a fellow car thief (-- a wonderful performance by Franklyn Ajaye), and her smitten defense attorney (Sam Waterson) as her plan chugs along, consequences be damned. In the end, those consequences do kinda catch up quick as our heroine realizes it's the con itself and not the payoff that truly motivates her, leaving it up to the audience to decide if this realization came too late. Both the title and the poster are a tad misleading in that there is no revenge seeking in this flick whatsoever. Channing shines and the whole cast is pretty great, and the action is fairly well executed. Alas, the chopped and cropped VHS rip I watched on YouTube last night was pretty abysmal and kinda squandered most of Vilmos Zsigmond's keen camera eye but I still dug this one quite a bit. Enough that I might even try to track the MOD Warner Archive disc at some future date for further evaluation.

Now, the quick answer for It Comes At Night (2017) is nothing. Nothing comes at night. And I don't consider that a spoiler but a warning. I don't think this movie is what you think it is. At least it wasn't for me and I fear most folks coming in thinking what they think it is will be sorely disappointed with what it actually was. Don’t get me wrong. It's good. And very tense as a family of three try to eke out a living as some plague wipes out most of humanity. Things get complicated when another family comes along and a pact is made to share what little there is. This, of course, is destined to fall apart as no matter how many precautions are taken, the sickness still manages to get inside. And then paranoia and blame tear this mini-utopia apart from the inside out. With a lot of set-up checks the payoff couldn't quite cash, this film also suffers a bit due to an unreliable narrator and on the "waiting for something to happen" only "nothing" happens. And then there’s the ending, which is what I think I have the biggest problem with. Not that it was bad or stupid, but more of the tension is really ratcheting up and we’re building to the climax and then it kind of fizzles in a "Wait. Is that it? [End credits roll]. "Hunh. I guess that WAS it." And ever since, I’ve been stewing on this movie. And so, right now, it's either brilliant or Eh, that was pretty good. I guess the best advice I can give is just expect the unexpected. Or better yet, expect nothing. Because nothing happens. Well, things sort of happen but I fear I may have spoiled enough already.

Meanwhile, Georges Franju's follow up to Eyes Without a Face (1960) is his spin on Agatha Christie's Ten Little Indians as an old family patriarch with no love for his heirs secrets himself inside a secret passage, hidden behind a two-way mirror, so he may watch the havoc he creates from beyond the grave in Spotlight on a Murderer (1961). That havoc being since no one can find his body, his heirs must wait five years before his estate can be dispersed among the half-dozen relatives. And on top of that, these heirs must keep up with the estate taxes in the interim or they'll lose the whole shebang. And so, they concoct a plan to turn the family castle into a tourist attraction, complete with a nightly reenactment of a famous murder / suicide that took place on the grounds when the lord of the house caught his wife screwing one of his knights. Of course, along the way, a series of "accidents" start whittling down the shares as several heirs meet an untimely end, leaving it to the audience to sort through the false leads and red herrings to find out whodunit before the killer gets away with everything. This movie is solid enough but I was kinda expecting more from Franju as it lacks the nightmarish delirium of his previous film. Here, he seems content to let the camera soak up the lavish details of his location, which is impressive, with plot and characterization mere window dressing. There's a few flashes of what this movie truly could've been but, as is, eh, it'll do.

Oddly titled but interesting mash-up of Kurosawa's High and Low (1963) and an urbanized The Naked Prey (1965), Night of the Juggler (1980) sees James Brolin (-- looking like he just wandered off the set of The Amityville Horror --) playing an ex-cop in New York City, laid off due to the City's constant economic woes, whose daughter gets kidnapped for ransom by some psychopath when he mistakes her for the offspring of some real estate tycoon he has a beef with. From there, Brolin has to run a gauntlet of street thugs, crooked cops, and all manner of degenerate squalor and scum as he tries to stay hot on the trail of the kidnapper, which is balanced out by several locals trying to help him on his quest, as he navigates through several demilitarized zones in dirty old NYC. Gritty and fast-paced, this one was a pleasant surprise having never even heard of it before. The film is highlighted by several familiar faces, too, with special shout-outs to Mandy Patinkin as a helpful cab driver and Dan Hedaya as a sadistic cop who sees this as a perfect opportunity to settle an old score. Also kudos to Abby Bluestone as the daughter, and Cliff Gorman as the psycho, who develops a bizarre relationship with his victim that gets a bit squicky toward the end for reasons I won't spoil. Great acting all around, honestly, but the film's biggest asset is the "urban milieu" that director Robert Butler immerses the audience in right along with our protagonist as the film hits the pavement running and never stops. Again, nonsensical title, but pretty great movie. Highly recommended.

Two estranged brothers reunite to settle their father's estate in Beyond the Gates (2016), which includes the old family homestead and dad's video store. Now, it should be noted that dad is only presumed dead and has just been missing for over 7 months. Things get weird when they find and old VHS board game that appears to be possessed by the woman on the instructional tape (Barbara Crampton), which then ectoplasmically forces the brothers and a fiance to finish the accursed game to find out what really happened to dear old dad as they get sucked into this ersatz Stuart Gordon version of Jumanji world by way of Stranger Things, too. This movie ... wasn't very good at all. Boring as hell as it takes FOR. EVER. to get going, and once they do start playing the game, there is a total lack of urgency as they would make one grisly move to find a key and then just go to bed to take things up again the next day. This happens like five times. (Not an exaggeration.) Punctuated by a few decent practical gore effects but the rote plot is executed with an attempted seriousness it only results in a pretentiousness the film does not earn, short-circuiting what few novel bits there were, and makes things only more frustrating -- and worst of all, extremely tedious and a chore to watch. Almost gave up on this, but pushed through to the end. Was not worth the effort.

Next, while out poaching for deer, a man (Sam Rockwell) accidentally shoots and kills a woman deep in the hills of West Virginia. Faced with a moral dilemma, the man chooses to not do the right thing; but while hiding the body, things are compounded further in A Single Shot (2013) when he finds a huge stockpile of money in the dead woman’s makeshift campsite. And then, in perhaps not the wisest of moves, this man starts flashing huge wads of that cash around town in an effort to win back his estranged wife (Kelly Reily), who has moved out with their son and suing for a divorce, drawing the attention of several seedy characters, including his shyster lawyer (William H. Macy), and leads to a betrayal by one of his dearest friends (Jeffrey Wright), all looking for the cash. But the real danger is the dead woman’s boyfriend (Jason Isaacs); seem she was hiding the money while he finished his current jail term which is now up. Plot wise, there’s nothing really new in this solid backwater noir; and so, the main selling point is the immersion into this neck of the woods and Rockwell’s performance as our doomed protagonist. (He does cracker real good.) And the rest of the ensemble fare pretty well, too. Also of note, the final coda is just glorious and feels perfect. And so, if you’re missing the backwater drama and violence of Justified, here’s a much needed fix for you.

And lastly, a family man is overwhelmed by apocalyptic dreams of a storm to end all storms. And so overwhelmed is he this man starts upgrading a storm shelter in his backyard in Take Shelter (2011), much to the confusion and consternation of his wife and friends. Economic anxiety adds a whole 'nother layer to this mix as the man (Michael Shannon) leeches much needed funds away from his daughter’s medical needs, whose hearing can be restored through surgery. Now, this man also has a history of schizophrenia in his family, and he's just past the age when his mother went off the deep end for good. And as the movie plays out, the audience is left guessing whether he really is crazy or a clairvoyant. Hot damn, but this was just great. Further proof that Shannon and Jessica Chastain are two of the best actors in the business right now. Following up the equally excellent Shotgun Stories (2007), writer / director Jeff Nichols' ultimate conclusion kinda lets us have some cake and eat it, too, but I found it to be damned near pitch perfect. Cannot recommend this one enough.

 

DANGER :: The Atomic Weight of Cheese Podcast :: Episode 8 :: Of COURSE They're Cannibals!

Will the world end in fire? Will the world end in blood? Or will the world choke itself with too many books, TV shows and movies about the END OF THE WORLD? In this episode, Chad, Mike and Steph talk about cult cinema about the end of all things and what happens after. From giant mechanized mayhem to Vincent Price burning dozens of vampire bodies to our favorite dystopias (there’s an oxymoron for ya) this episode is a fun trip through all the ways our society could eat itself and eventually die, leaving only a few sad humans left. ENJOY! Oh, and...

Our podcast can be found on Feedburner, iTunes and we're also now available on Stitcher. You can keep up with the podcast at The Atomic Weight of Cheese. Also, please Like and Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr, where we'll be posting our latest episode updates, episode specific visual aides, and other oddities, nonsense and general mayhem. Also, if it ain't too much trouble, write us a review to let us know how much you like us or how much we suck. So come join us and listen in, won't you? And be sure to eat all of your crackers. Thank you!

There's Always Room for Giall-O :: Murder Never Looked So Good in Arrow Video's Dual Release of Dario Argento's The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970) and Cat o' Nine Tails (1971)

Suffering from a terminal case of writer’s block, author Sam Dalmas (Tony Musante) goes for a post-midnight stroll in the darkened, labyrinthine streets of Rome to try and clear this mental logjam. Currently living abroad with his girlfriend, Julia (Suzy Kendall), a frustrated Dalmas is ready to chuck it all and just return home to America but his ruminations are suddenly and violently interrupted when his attention is drawn to an art gallery -- more specifically, what appears to be an attempted murder on the other side of a large picture window. Moving to help the victim, a woman, currently fighting for her life against a black-gloved and raincoat adorned assailant, whose face we never see, Dalmas winds up stuck between two panes of display glass and can only watch helplessly as the wily killer presses his attack.

Luckily, though trapped, the author raises enough of a ruckus to scare the killer away, saving Monica Ranieri (Renzi), whose husband, Alberto (Raho), owns the gallery, from certain death. Deemed a material witness by Inspector Morosini (Salerno), Dalmas’ passport is confiscated, forcing him to stay put and become a reluctant part of the investigation into a most probable serial killer, who has been murdering a string of women all across the city. Haunted by what he saw, and certain he is mentally blocking some vital clue witnessed during the attack -- lost in the confusion and adrenaline rush of coming to the rescue, Dalmas soon launches his own investigation to maybe help jog this elusive memory, which leads to a curio shop where one of the killer’s victims used to work, where he learns the last thing she sold was a disturbing painting featuring a man in a raincoat viciously murdering a young woman.

But this lead soon fizzles, allowing Dalmas to return to his flat just in time to save Julia from the killer, who once again escapes unidentified. Then, several more clues lead them back to the art gallery, where Monica is once again fighting for her life -- this time with her husband, who winds up falling off the roof as he was pursued by the police. But before he dies, Ranieri confesses to all the murders. And once that’s seemingly settled, Dalmas returns home to a darkened flat and makes a grisly discovery. And with this shock, he also finally remembers what he saw that first night -- more like misinterpreted, but it might already be too late for him, and for Julia, as the real killer finally reveals their true identity...

Like a lot of famous filmmakers, Dario Argento’s love affair and storied career in moving pictures began life as a film critic. Soon switching sides, Argento officially broke into film production as a screenwriter; most notably teaming up with Bernardo Bertolucci on the script for Sergio Leone’s classic spaghetti western, Once Upon a Time in the West (1968). And it was Bertolucci who gave Argento a copy of Fredric Brown’s novel, The Screaming Mimi, for which Argento wrote a spec-script for, even though the novel had already been adapted once before by Gerd Oswald as Screaming Mimi (1958).

In the novel, a killer known as The Ripper has been terrorizing the city of Chicago for months. Enter Bill Sweeney, ace reporter and ace lush, who manages to get his act sobered-up long enough to help the only surviving victim -- Virginia, an exotic dancer, who was saved by persons unknown, who shot the killer before he could stab her to death. (“Ripper vs. Stripper!” the promos for Columbia screamed.) But even with the killer dead, more bodies keep piling up and most clues point to the traumatized Virginia and her repressed memories being the killer until Sweeney finds the linking clue, a contorted statue of a screaming woman (--hence, the Screaming Mimi), which points the guilty finger elsewhere. Oswald’s adaptation is kind of amazing in a bawdy good-bad way, with Anita Ekberg in the title role and Gypsy Rose Lee as her boss at the strip club. And in both the novel and the film, you can kinda see the seeds and characters that germinated and bloomed in Argento’s “unofficial” adaptation, The Bird With the Crystal Plumage (1970).

Argento wrote the script in just five days, and originally, Artur Brauner wanted Terence Young -- who had helmed the first three James Bond films, to direct for his Central Cinema Company (CCC). But when he proved unavailable (or not interested), the film’s producer, Salvatore Argento, in perhaps a fit of nepotism, or perhaps not, got Brauner to agree to let his son, Dario, direct his own script -- a decision Brauner would come to regret once filming commenced. Not liking what he saw in the dailies, Brauner was ready to kick the novice director off the picture altogether but fate intervened when, as the legend goes, the elder Argento went to fight for his son’s job and found Brauner’s secretary visibly shaken. Seems she had seen the same footage but found it terrifying and extremely unsettling. And when his new star witness confessed this to her boss, the younger Argento kept the job and finished the film with an assist from noted cinematographer, Vittorio Storaro -- Apocalypse Now (1979), The Last Emperor (1987), in just under six weeks.

Now, the title, The Bird with the Crystal Plumage, comes into play when the killer keeps calling and tormenting Dalmas (-- played by Musante, a method actor of the highest order, whose constant motivational pestering drove his director a little nuts), who always hears a strange, cricket-like noises in the background, which the police later identify as the call of a rare Siberian bird, whose “diaphanous feathers” glint like crystal. And it’s this vital clue that finally gives them the killer’s home and, eventually, their identity after an extremely harrowing, slightly sado-masochistic, and one downright helluva climax.

Upon its release, with its intoxicating production design, blunt violence, and a pulse-pounding and seductive score by Ennio Morricone, The Bird with the Crystal Plumage proved a smash success in Italy -- allegedly playing in a certain theater in Milan for three and half years straight. It also did surprisingly well in other countries, including the United States, where it had both box-office success and a positive critical response. This, of course, helped revitalize the gialli -- a certain style of Continental genre film that concerned byzantine plots, massive body counts, violence, and sex, all wrapped up in a candy colored, pop-art shell. And of this type, Argento would prove to be the master, and so, other studios were soon clamoring to have him do a follow up feature for them.

And so, Argento obliged with Cat o’ Nine Tails (1971), a similar but slightly more grounded thriller as Franco "Cookie" Arnò (Karl Malden), an elderly blind puzzle-maker with an ear for intrigue, is out for a night-time stroll with his young niece, Lori (Cinzia De Carolis). And while he can’t see, Cookie’s other senses are finely attuned, allowing him to overhear an argumentative conversation between two people in a parked car concerning a blackmail scheme. And once the pedestrians have cleared off, the driver gets out and breaks into a nearby medical complex that houses the Terzi Institute.

The next day, ace reporter Carlo Giordani (James Fanciscus) is on the scene to cover the break-in, runs into Cookie, and fills him in on what happened. Then, these two cross-paths again when a Dr. Calabresi (Carlo Alighiero), an employee of the Institute, dies quite horrifically when he falls in front of a moving train. Seems Cookie has a nose for mysteries and feels the break-in and the death might be connected to something bigger. Giordani wrote the article about what is being deemed an accidental death, complete with gruesome pre- and post-mortem pictures courtesy of a paparazzo. But on Cookie’s suggestion, Giordani checks with the photographer and discovers the photo had been cropped and the full picture shows someone off camera most likely pushed the victim onto the tracks. However, when these amateur sleuths arrive at the photographer’s apartment for a closer look they find him strangled to death and all the photos and negatives of the incident gone.

Here, Cookie and Giordani officially join forces to untangle this sticky web of intrigue, with the reporter going to see the owner of the Institute, Fulvio Terzi (Tino Carraro), to talk about the death of his colleague. He also meets Terzi’s daughter, Anna (Catherine Spaak), and goes for a ride. And romantic sparks fly during a harrowing chase sequence when Giordani realizes the police are tailing them -- as to which one they are actually following, well, that’s up to the audience. Meanwhile, Cookie and Lori go to visit the late Calabresi’s fiance, Bianca (Rada Rassimov), curious if she knows if anyone wanted him dead. She knows he was the one who broke into the institute but denies any knowledge, but then later discovers a slip of paper that reveals what Calabresi stole as blackmail material. She hides the note inside her locket and agrees to reveal its contents to Cookie and Giordani but will only do so in person. Too bad the killer got to her first, but whoever it was they failed to find the incriminating evidence.

Meanwhile, further digging shows the Terzi Institute was working in eugenics -- more specifically, chromosome alteration via a new miracle drug in service of the long debunked theory that those with an extra Y-chromosome in their genetic make-up were prone to violent and criminal tendencies. Meantime, as our heroes try to piece all the seemingly unconnected clues and leads into a coherent theory, the killer, thinking Bianca might have already given them the damning evidence, and after failing to kill them both, sets another trap for them at the cemetery as they are lured to Bianca’s crypt in search of the pivotal note, thinking it might be buried with her since the police could find no trace of it. And while the masked killer gets away with the note and destroys it, Giordani manages to critically stab him during their struggle. But while those two are safe, the same cannot be said for young Lori, who suddenly finds herself in the wounded and desperate killer’s clutches...

I’d say until the release of Do You Like Hitchcock? (2005), Cat o' Nine Tails (1971) was probably Argento's most conventional thriller. Well, "conventional" might not be the right word as I read back through that summation of the simple yet highly convoluted plot thus far and smile ruefully, knowing I have barely scratched the surface and am omitting a ton of plot points, twists and knots in several overlapping story threads as our mismatched trio of sleuths try to unravel the mystery. Once again, the title actually refers to something in the movie; a whip with nine lashes, which Cookie alludes to, comparing their nine clues that make no sense separately but when placed together can solve the mystery once they untangle them.

Despite the slightly lethargic pace and those myriad false leads and red-herrings as they make their way down a trail of murder, incest, and money-grabs, I really do like this film a lot, honest, but it’s mostly due to the usual visual and audio noise of Argento and the excellent chemistry between the three leads -- and I would’ve loved to have seen the mystery solving team of Malden, Franciscus and Carolis franchise out for more adventures -- but the film's director doesn't really agree with me. Apparently, this is Argento’s least favored film, feeling it was too conventional -- too American, which I find odd because after the success of his first unconventional thriller, Cat o’ Nine Tails completely failed to ignite Stateside.

As I said, the plot definitely could’ve used some tightening up because as like with all gialli the suspect and motive our protagonists are doggedly chasing down proves to be the wrong one. And like with all of his films, Argento is once more concerned with being stylistic over sweating the dramatic elements of the plot. Yeah. This round, Argento definitely seemed more focused on the look of the film, which is gorgeous, and employing some wild editing techniques, giving us the normal feast for the eyes while not making our brains hurt as the plot pretzels itself like it did later with the likes of Deep Red (1975) or Tenebre (1982), proving once again sometimes less is more as the killer is finally identified and Lori is saved from certain death by some kick-ass heroics from my m’man, Franciscus.

Now, The Bird with the Crystal Plumage and Cat o’ Nine Tails are, of course, parts one and two of Argento’s “Animal Trilogy” along with Four Flies on Grey Velvet (1971). And one can only hope that someday the fine folks at Arrow Films can secure the rights to that final feature -- judging by what we get from their recent releases of the first two films. Both have been given a brand new 4K upgraden, and both look amazing. The colors just really pop off these things. Both are also available to watch in English or Italian (with subtitles). And it’s Arrow, so of course they’re both jam-packed with bonus features.

On Bird you get a new audio commentary by Troy Howarth, author of So Deadly, So Perverse: 50 Years of Italian Giallo Films; a new visual essay on the cinema of Dario Argento, The Power of Perception, by Alexandra Heller-Nicholas, author of Devil’s Advocates: Suspiria and Rape-Revenge Films: A Critical Study; along with analysis by film critic Kat Ellinger; and brand new interviews with Argento and actor Gildo Di Marco. The release also comes with 6 lobby card reproductions and a limited 60-page booklet illustrated by Matthew Griffin, featuring an appreciation of the film by Michael Mackenzie and new writing by Howard Hughes and Jack Seabrook.

The big highlight on the Cat release is a fantastic audio commentary by critics Alan Jones and Kim Newman -- I could listen to those two talk film all day and night long. There’s also another interview with Argento, co-writer Dardano Sacchetti, production manager Angelo Iacono, and actress Cinzia De Carolis, who played young Lori. (Alas, there was a glitch on the screener I received so I could not see this last interview but I understand it has since been rectified.) Here, you also get a two-sided poster, plus four lobby card reproductions; and if you order quick you’ll get a limited edition booklet illustrated by Matt Griffin, featuring an essay on the film by Dario Argento, and new writing by Barry Forshaw, Troy Howarth and Howard Hughes.

Now I know Argento has his “style over substance” haters and detractors out there but I’m not one of them. I do, however, think the old maestro has kind of lost his touch a bit -- I think he’s been scuffling pretty badly since the likes of Opera (1987) and The Stendhal Syndrome (1996), and the less said about The Phantom of the Opera (1998) and Giallo (2009) the better. But you don’t have to worry about any of that, here, with these two fantastic releases.

Buy The Bird with the Crystal Plumage:

At Amazon :: At Arrow Films

Buy The Cat o' Nine Tails:

At Amazon :: At Arrow Films

The Bird with the Crystal Plumage (1970) Central Cinema Company Film (CCC) :: Glazier :: Seda Spettacoli :: UMC Features / EP: Artur Brauner / P: Salvatore Argento / D: Dario Argento / W: Dario Argento, Fredric Brown (Novel) / C: Vittorio Storaro / E: Franco Fraticelli / M: Ennio Morricone / S: Tony Musante, Suzy Kendall, Enrico Maria Salerno, Eva Renzi, Umberto Raho

The Cat o' Nine Tails (1971) Seda Spettacoli :: Terra-Filmkunst :: Labrador Films :: National General Pictures / P: Salvatore Argento / D: Dario Argento / W: Dario Argento, Luigi Collo, Dardano Sacchetti, Bryan Edgar Wallace / C: Erico Menczer/ E: Cesarina Casini, Sergio Fraticelli / M: Ennio Morricone / S: James Franciscus, Karl Malden, Catherine Spaak, Cinzia De Carolis, Rada Rassimov

DANGER :: The Atomic Weight of Cheese Podcast :: Episode 7 :: Look! Up in the Sky!

In honor of the release of Black Panther, Mike, Steph, Yours Truly, and the Atomic Weight of Cheese focuses on the superhero genre in comics and movies, diving deep into our own personal origin stories, moments that supercharged our imaginations and where we want things to go in the future. Power up and give it a listen!

Our podcast can be found on Feedburner, iTunes and we're also now available on Stitcher. You can keep up with the podcast at The Atomic Weight of Cheese. Also, please Like and Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and Tumblr, where we'll be posting our latest episode updates, episode specific visual aides, and other oddities, nonsense and general mayhem. Also, if it ain't too much trouble, write us a review to let us know how much you like us or how much we suck. So come join us and listen in, won't you? Thank you!

YouTube Finds :: By Our Command :: The Story of the Cylons (from the Vintage Battlestar Galactica Series).

From what I can piece together, this is the only original footage from a TV movie which cobbled together several episodes of the vintage Battlestar Galactica series into a feature-length, syndicated time slot-filler, including parts from Saga of a Star World, The Magnificent Warriors, Fire in Space, and Experiment in Terra but the vast majority of it came from The Return of Starbuck episode -- a truly desperate Hail Mary courtesy of the truly odious sequel series, Galactica 1980 before it officially rolled over and died. I had never seen this footage before, finally explaining the origin of the Cylon Empire, stumbling upon it on the Tube of You, found it to be super-cool, and decided to share it with you all, Boils and Ghouls. 

   

Video courtesy of Daniel Patrick. 

From Encyclopedia Galactica: “The original Cylons were technologically advanced reptilian race from a far corner of the Galaxy. As they died out many millennia ago, little is known of their society. They must have been warlike and imperialistic since at the time of their extinction they had already conquered hundreds of other worlds. The key to the success of the early Cylon’s conquests was their development, first of sophisticated robots, and then fully intelligent androids. These machines were built to withstand enormous stress, to have great strength and powerful computational capacity. Armies of them swept through sector after sector of the Galaxy. But ultimately, the machines became the superiors of their creators and the Cylons themselves were destroyed by their own machines.

 “The Cylon androids, reptilian in form like their masters, continued the mission of destruction to which they had been assigned. Machines that they were, they swept through the Galaxy even more ruthlessly than their masters. The directives of their programming crystallized into a single Edict of Extermination, that called for the destruction of all intelligent life forms in the Galaxy.

“The Cylons have occasionally combined forces with beings like the Ovions, but few creatures are more useful to the Cylons alive than dead. Therefore, the number of members of the Cylon Alliance is likely to remain small. Cylons have no concept of friendship or loyalty, and are programmed to exterminate their living allies at the earliest convenient date.

“Modern Cylons are basically human form. The most common type is the Centurion, a heavily armored soldier capable of operating a Raider and piloting a Baseship or Dreadnaught, and also adaptable to planetary invasion and extermination. They are not of high intelligence, but can be cheaply mass-produced. A common Cylon strategy, therefore, is to overwhelm the enemy with large numbers of Centurions, many of whom will be destroyed, leaving a sufficient number of survivors to carry the day. The most advanced Cylons are from the I-L Series. Both Lucifer, aide to Commander Baltar, and the Imperious Leaders itself are of this type. I-L series Cylons have acute reasoning abilities, and can directly monitor electronic telemetry from up to 50 sources simultaneously. Much more than simple automatons, the I-Ls at times exhibit humanlike drives for power. Human cylonologists speculate that this ambition response was deliberately programmed into the I-Ls to insure prompt replacement of incompetent leadership.

“The first human-Cylon contact occurred in 5547, when combined human forces came to the defense of their amphibious allies, the Hasaris. The humans were unprepared for the massive Cylon offensive, and their fleet was soon forced back to the other defense perimeters of their own Colonies. This was the beginning of the thousand yahren Great Cylon War.

“The humans proved to be the most formidable foes the Cylons had ever faced. Lacking the imagination to respond to human advances creatively, the Cylons adapted in the only way they could: by imitation. Their Centurions were designed to resemble humans more and more, and their weapons were redesigned accordingly. Human weapon advances were quickly met by Cylon copies, so that the war remained a stalemate for hundreds of yahren. The Colonial Unification Movement and the military genius of of Commander Cain had pushed the Cylons to the breaking point when the treachery of Baltar led to the near final destruction of humanity.” 

Favorites :: Mags and Slicks :: Uncle Creepy, Cousin Eerie, and the Murderball Quintet.

Seems back in 1964, editor and illustrator Russ Jones approached Jim Warren, head of Warren Publishing -- most noted for printing Famous Monsters of Filmland, with an idea to resurrect the horror comics of the 1950s, specifically the fabled tales of EC Comics (Tales from the Crypt, Vault of Horror, The Haunt of Fear), in an illustrated magazine format. And, being a magazine, they could skirt around the recently established self-censorship of the Comics Code Authority, meaning they could be as dire and gruesome as they wanted to be.

Warren was eventually persuaded, and so, the first issue of Creepy Magazine hit the stands in late 1964, which followed the anthology format, where a main character, Uncle Creepy, connected several tales of the macabre through each bi-monthly issue. And while the mag wasn’t necessarily a rousing success, it was successful enough to launch two more sister series in the same severed vein: Eerie, with your host, Cousin Eerie, and Vampirella, with your host and star, Vampirella. All three publications would last until 1983 when Warren Publishing folded, selling off to Harris Publications, who initially tried to keep them going but eventually stopped due to some lingering copyright issues.

Anyhoo, I bring all of this up because, in an effort to finally bring some semblance of order to my Nerdly Rumpus Room by making it more of a Rumpus Room and less of a glorified storage closet, I have been efforting to get things organized, including bagging and boarding a bunch of magazines collected over the years, including a chunk of Creepy (about a dozen) and Eerie magazines (around 20). Now, these I had bought as part of a deal struck with a long gone LCS back in the 1990s, who had bought a collection, picked it clean, meaning, at the time, pulling everything with an “X” in the title and weren’t all that interested in anything else. Good luck and good timing had me there the day they had finished ransacking it. And after filling me in, I offered to buy what was left, seeing there was still a ton of cool stuff in those three to four boxes of mags and comics -- all of them beaters and readers, mind you.

Unfortunately, my interest caused them to quickly go through it again, and they yanked the half dozen Vampirella mags and a near full run of Alpha Flight before they’d sell it to me. (Later, when the store closed, and they tried to auction those very same mags off, I think they would have made more money if they’d left them in the box. Sad.) Still, there remained a lot of cool stuff, and as I was sorting and bagging yesterday, I stumbled upon what I like to call ... The Murderball Quintet:

CREEPY #84 (November, 1976)

Artist: Ken Kelly

CREEPY #93 (November, 1977)

Artist: Dan Maitz

EERIE #79 (November, 1976)

Artist: Ken Kelly

EERIE #88 (November, 1977)

Artist: Dan Maitz

EERIE #92 (May, 1978)

Artist: Kevin McQuiate

I own four out of the five issues there, discovering the Creepy #84 through a friend, who asked if I had it when I posted pics of the other mags as I bagged them up, and am currently eye-balling the purchase of a used copy to complete the set. And as I continue to get the Rumpus Room in order, I will try to keep you all updated on whatever else I happen to find in there. So, stay tuned, Boils and Ghouls!