In Memoriam.

One of my favorite family related cinema stories is how my father, during the courting process, took my mother and his prospective mother-in-law to go and see Cecil B. DeMille's biblical epic, The Ten Commandments at the local drive-in.

Never could get a straight answer on the seating arrangements for that screening, and though I doubt this ingratiating excursion had any influence at all on future events, but, here I am and there ya go ... And a fella or a gal couldn't have done any better trolling for a mother-in-law and landing my Grandma Shaw, who peacefully passed away yesterday at the ripe old age of 102; a life that lead to almost ninety total offspring once you tick all the generations off.

Miss ya, Gramms. Say hi to Gramps, Dad, and Chris for me.

Clean-Up in Aisle Ten :: Some Housekeeping Upates.

Though I like the redesign and layout of the old bloggo a lot it also sent a seismic wave pulsating through all the old posts, rendering several of them almost unreadable (-- like I didn't have enough problems with that dilemma already, am I right?) Anyways ... in an effort to address those needs I went ahead and refurbished a lot of old posts. So, even though the writing still kinda sucks, there a lot more pretty pictures to look at. Here's just an example of what's been completed thus far:

Zulu

Casino Royale (Version 1966)

The Cat and the Canary (Version 1927)

They Only Kill Their Masters

The Dexter Reilly Omnibus

Moments of Pure Cinema Fusion

The Christmas Craptacular Movie Marathons

Saving Private Wilhelm

With a whole lot more yet to come.
Stay Tuned.

Favorites :: Movie Posters : Night of the Lepus (1972)

Quite possibly the greatest display of hand-to-varmint
combat committed to film. Ever!

Whodunit? Roll the Dice and Find Out :: CLUE: The Bay of Blood Edition.

While watching Mario Bava's seminal classic Reazione a Catena a/k/a A Bay of Blood a/k/a Twitch of the Death Nerve one might be a little confused while trying to hash out who killed who and why. I know I did, and may the ghosts of the Parker Brothers forgive me, but what the film reminded me the most of was the classic board game, CLUE. The bloodiest and most @#%*ed up game of CLUE ever, but there ya go.

And in an effort to help out those who are similarly confused by all the family skeletons and competing factions running around the bay in question, bumping each other off, I decided it was my duty to take it one step further. So, without further ado, I present to you...

Got your handy checklist?
Okay, then. Let's play!

WARNING:

There Be Massive Spoilers Afoot.
Read on at your own peril!

Victim #1:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:

The Countess Donati is the first to go. But it wasn't a suicide.
It was just staged to look that way by her estranged husband,
the Count, with a rope, in the Mansion.

Victim #2:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:

The Count doesn't get to celebrate for long as Simon gets
him in the Mansion, too, several times, with a knife.

Victim #3:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:

Our Teutonic floozy, Brunhilda, after a little skinny-dipping
and a protracted stalk-n-chase sequence around the
abandoned Discotheque, gets her throat slashed open
with a brush-cutter, wielded by Simon.

Victim #4:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:

Poor Bobby the Boob. Simon gives him a forced
facial, with a machete, in the Bungalow.
And then yanks it back out!

Victims #5&6:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:

Our horny couple, Duke and Denise, get themselves shish-kebab'd
together in bed, by Simon, in the Bungalow, with a spear.

Victim #7:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:

OK, the bug-man, Paolo. Him, Albert garrotes, in the Guest
House, with a phone cord, while he tries to call for help.

Victim #8:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:

Ah, the clairvoyant. As usual, Anna was poking around where
she didn't belong. Saw something she wasn't supposed to see.
And then got her head lopped off in the Bungalow with an axe.
Who knew Renata had that in her?

Victim #9:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:

After defusing the plot with about a dozen 12th-Hour
revelations Laura, the conniving secretary, cannot deny
her own culpability and gets strangled by Simon, in the
Boathouse, with Simon's bare hands.

Victim #10:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:

Simon, the bastard son, thinking his homicidal dirty deeds
were done, didn't realize that others were playing the game,
too, and winds up harpooned to the Boathouse, by Albert
with a boat hook.

Victim #11:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:


Frank Ventura, whose fault all this is, really, almost cashes
in several times before Albert puts him down for good,
with a knife, in the Bungalow.

Victims #12 & 13:

Whodunit. Wheretheydunit. Howtheydunit:

Renata and Albert, who thought they were gonna get
away with it all, were killed by their own children,
by the Trailer, with a shotgun.
(No. I'm not making that up.)

Yay! Everybody's Dead!

Game Over.

And You Thought Your Family Had Issues :: Rehashed Reviews Mark (...I Can't Remember)!

This month we revisit our Bad Blood Month Marathon, with the focus on dysfunctional families that had a tendency to hack each other to pieces:

Blood and Lace :: The sickest PG-Rated movie ever made? If not it's real damned close.

Legacy of Blood :: Where the deceased has the last laugh on his offspring, who've gathered for the funeral and, more importantly, the reading of the will.

Blood Ruby :: Obscure Exorcist knock-off where the spirit of a dead mobster comes back to haunt the gang who rubbed him out.

A Bay of Blood :: Perhaps the strangest version of CLUE ever conceived. It was Mario Bava; with a knife, machete, spear, and shotgun etc.; in and around the Donati estate.

Favorites :: Comic Book Covers : The Incredible Hulk #150

Art: Herb Trimpe and John Severin

I've said it before, and I'll say it until I'm dead: Nobody rendered
old Jade Jaws better than the tandem of Trimpe and Severin.

Favorites :: Vintage Tuneage : Morbid & Creepifying!

The Dead Man's Stroll a/k/a The Midnight Stroll (1959)
(Video courtesy of NickNicola)

The Re-Vels: John Kelly, Henry Colclough,
John Grant, Bill Jackson, Jon Jones

Favorites :: Inks and Paints : Danger at the Drive Inn!

Artist: Norman Saunders

Picked up a fantastic book a couple of days ago; a retrospective on the career of Norman Saunders, who made a name for himself painting covers for the pulps and sweats in the 1930's and '40s. (The striking image above was used for the cover of a 1938 edition of Ace Detective.) But Saunders is probably most famous for the devilishly ghoulish art for Topp's Mars Attacks trading cards. Worth every penny!

There's Stupid. And then There's Stoopid :: A 16 Vid-Cap Look at Jack Arnold's Hello Down There (1969)

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

"Fred ... Where exactly is this house?"

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

Now that I'm rapidly reaching the point where I can define my life with more decades being behind me than ahead of me, I've found myself throwing the net further back into the waters of my misspent youth, hoping to catch and latch onto something that'll stir up and reinforce some fading memories before they chuck off into some obsolete neuron stream never to be heard from again -- and that's why my Netflix que has been inundated lately with many matinee tales of yore like Jack Arnold's Hello Down There. Co-directed by his old Creature from the Black Lagoon buddy, Ricou Browning, and produced by Ivan Tors, who, along with Browning, brought us Flipper, the film that follows is a whole can of stoopid -- stoopidly awesome! -- as a kooky inventor volunteers his wife and kids -- and the kid's band -- to spend 30 days underwater in his new, state-of-the-art-n-swanky aqua-pad to prove to his boss that it's a viable solution for global overcrowding. Mayhem, shark attacks, and some groovy tunes ensue...

Ladies and Gentlemen ... Harold & His Hang-Ups.



E'yup. That's Richard Dreyfuss.
(Video courtesy of Mr. Aubrey.)

Hello Down There (1969) Ivan Tors Productions :: Paramount Pictures / P: Ivan Tors, George Sherman / D: Jack Arnold, Ricou Browning / W: John McGreevey, Frank Telford / C: Clifford H. Poland Jr. / E: Erwin Dumbrille / M: Jeff Barry / S: Tony Randall, Janet Leigh, Jim Backus, Kay Cole, Gary Tigerman, Lou Wagner, Ken Berry, Roddy McDowall, Charlotte Rae, Richard Dreyfuss